jasmine's cove

Have illnesses become the new must have?

2012-01-17T13:39:00.000-08:00

I was at a friend's party a year or so ago, and another guest appeared to be showing off about her child's ADHD (right in front of him). Almost as if it were more status-y to share that tidbit of information instead of the once tried and true, my-son's-on-the-Honor-Roll. As a bonus the child added, "Yeah, and Mom sometimes takes my meds." And everyone chuckled as if it were a cute, normal exchange. Evidently, she self-diagnosed herself after watching a commercial and felt she must have ADHD too.

These days, between television commercials for cars we gotta drive, and shitty fast food we gotta eat, we find ads for pharmaceutical drugs. And with these ads we see healthy actors smiling through a long, frightening list of "possible" side-effects ("We don't know if we can trust the silly patients used in our clinical trials"). As if they're subliminally saying, "Sure this drug could cause new symptoms, worsen your existing symptoms and/or kill you...but pay more attention to how good I look and feel while I'm on it," (even though I'm just a fucking actor you ~~morons~~, oops ~~customers~~, I mean audience).

What is happening to us?

4 Creepy Ways Big Pharma Peddles its Drugs:

Big Pharma uses ads that sow hypochondria, raise health fears and sell diseases to adults and their children.

Pulsed Electromagnetic Field Therapy for Chronic Pain

2011-11-23T20:26:00.000-08:00

My visit with the Vision Specialists of Michigan

2011-11-15T08:18:00.000-08:00

I decided to keep a journal on hand, to keep a record of my trip to Bloomfield Hills, and the Vision Specialists of Michigan (VSoM). The following excerpts are from that journal.

10/21/11
My mind’s been racing with the possibility of finding relief of chronic daily headaches, neck pain, dizziness, eye strain, face pain, etc. Seems like asking a lot of one form of treatment.

A recommendation by someone online led me to the VSoM. After finding their website, and watching a couple videos, I filled out and submitted a questionnaire. It stated that I would be contacted with the results, so I expected an email. The next morning I received a telephone call from Dr Debby. She said they suggest people visit their facility if they score above 15. I scored a 59! I asked if she knew of anyone specializing in Vertical Heterophoria, but unfortunately there was no one she could recommend with confidence.

Like most individuals dealing with years of chronic pain, I despise the word “cure” when it’s used in reference to illnesses or diseases. But if this treatment rids me of, or at least significantly reduces the occurrence and strength of, my chronic head pain, dizziness, imbalance, and eye strain, then it will be the closest thing to a cure I’ve ever experienced.

10/22/11
The appointment has been set for November 9, 2011. I purchased my airline tickets, and booked a three night stay at the Marriott close to the VSoM.

10/23/11
Woke up with an ice pick in my right eye.

If all goes well, my eye exam will be covered as a medical necessity since it is due to illness or injury – one that spans decades. All these years of needing to rest in a dark room…it all makes sense now. My eyes will feel such relief and release soon. I hope I don’t start crying, but I more than likely will. Tears of joy, as well as from acknowledging all the many years I’ve wasted, seeing shitty doctors too quick to write a prescription, suggest therapy, or blame me for my illnesses.

Fuck! I’m like a kid waiting to open a present 12am Christmas morning. I had to laugh at myself earlier because I considered starting to walk toward Michigan, so I’d feel closer. There will no longer be enough hours in the day, when I’m able to use my eyes correctly, especially if the pain and dizziness dissipates. When you’re in pain, the hours don’t always pass quickly enough. Someone who has never experienced this could never understand.

11/05/11
Can’t believe I’m leaving in just a few days!

11/09/11
The doc visit is an hour away! Enjoying a little breakfast before the taxi arrives. I woke up every couple of hours last night, and once I was wide awake at 3am I decided I might as well stay up. I watched television and tinkered with the hotel room coffee maker, so I could enjoy some calming tea.

Had my initial visit, and Dr Debby is incredible! After a battery of tests, she diagnosed me with VH and thinks we have the right prescription to start me on the road to recovery. Wish the hubby could have been there to record the experience because I can’t recall what each test was called, and what the results of each test would tell the doctor.

After trying a few prisms and lenses, I felt more confident getting out of my chair and walking around – I even felt taller! Anxiety levels dropped as did some eye strain, dizziness, and neck tension.

My glasses have arrived and are being properly fitted to my face now.

I saw the full moon without squinting or crossing my eyes (for clarity) for the first time in my 37 years. I can also write from a distance for the first time, thanks to progression lenses. It feels very awkward, but with practice I know that will change.

11/10/11
I have a follow-up with Dr Debby tomorrow morning. Reading and writing are unfortunately killing me at the moment, so I’m going for a walk. Hopefully the beautiful evergreens and autumn leaves will temporarily help me forget my migraine. Plus it’s good practice with my new glasses.

Dr Debby invited me to an office get-together; hope this migraine lets up so I can enjoy myself and meet more of her patients. I already met 27 year old Monte from Florida and a few others who also had to travel far distances by car or plane to get here.

My eyes are relieved and exhausted at the same time. During my follow-up, we tried a few different lenses and prisms, but soon after reading a magazine I felt very dizzy and nauseous. Dr Debby said my left eye is most happy with the prescription at the moment, and that’s okay.

11/12/11
During my first visit with Dr Debby, I joked about skipping my motion sickness medication for the flight home. Well, I did just that, and I’m happy to report I experienced zero motion sickness or dizziness!

11/15/11
Once my medical records arrive, I can share my official diagnosis. Everything has been a whirlwind of questions, exams, emotions, hormonal migraines, bad food, horrible sleep, etc., so I'm allowing myself this time to rest and detox.

I am still dealing with light sensitivity headaches, as well as those triggered by poor diet, so I'm working hard to get my diet back on track. I do feel incredible being able to use my eyes properly for the first time in decades. The world is much clearer and I see painless days ahead once we continue to tweak my prescription, and figure out the best way to reduce glare and photophobia symptoms.

12/18/11
Just a quick update with my official diagnoses:
Vertical Heterophoria, right eye nearsightedness, left eye farsightedness, astigmatism in both eyes, and presbyopia in both eyes.

Bloomfield Hills, Michigan

2011-11-13T15:04:00.000-08:00

I'll post an update soon. For now, I'll share some photos I took during my walk around the hotel, and a quick video of the snow falling (wish it lasted longer). Enjoy :)

Are we there yet?

2011-10-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to contain my excitement. I just have such a strong sense that this is the issue that's been missed by so many. Where being diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and using a CPAP nightly greatly improved my energy levels, where following an Ayurvedic diet eliminated food-triggered migraines, sluggishness and PMS, where the discovery of an inner ear disorder helped explain so many of my sporadic imbalance issues, and where weekly physical therapy sessions helped lessen my neck, left shoulder and arm pain, nothing ever put a serious, consistent dent in the daily pain around my eyes, eyebrows and forehead.

Will I leave Michigan with prismatic lenses that for once allow the muscles of my eyes to work as intended - to no longer overcompensate for a misalignment? Every fiber of my being screams yes. Finding the patience to wait for that first appointment is another story.

Traveling far from home for possible pain relief

2011-10-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

I discovered my San Diego Wellness Team literally by accident, so it was no surprise to find myself in a similar situation last week when a chance conversation between my husband and a stranger online led me to the Vision Specialists of Michigan. Maybe I'll go into details at another time, but for now all that matters is my flight and hotel room are booked, and in two and a half weeks I'll be in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan!

When I was in elementary school, I complained about difficulty reading the chalk board, and pain behind my eyes. My mother took me to an eye doctor, and after running some tests, putting drops in my eyes that partially blinded me the rest of the day, he concluded I didn't need glasses, but suggested she ask teachers to seat me closer to the board. After finding out about my mother's migraines he figured I was just showing early signs.

Fast forward 30 years, and I'm about to find out if it truly was my eyes all along!

I've already started a journal, so I can keep a record of events, or any myriad of emotions I may feel after possibly experiencing my first pain-free'ish moments. (My expectations may seem unrealistic, but I can still dream. Chronic pain hasn't taken that away from me, and never will.)

Butterflies...

Curious about medication side effects?

2011-10-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

Adverse Events

"AdverseEvents, Inc. (AEI) is the first service provider to deliver accurate, real-time information on adverse drug events reported to the FDA. AEI utilizes a unique data sourcing method called RxFilter™, a proprietary 17-step data refinement process that standardizes and normalizes the data from the FDA’s Adverse Event Reporting System (AERS) into a user-friendly, fully searchable, database of over 4,000 approved medications. Over 500,000 medication adverse events are reported yearly to the FDA; estimated to be only 10% of all actual adverse events. As a leading resource for the pharmaceutical industry, AEI supports companies with competitive intelligence and data to inform drug marketing decisions and business development strategies. With AEI, the healthcare industry is able to quantify the benefit-risk assessments of FDA approved drugs to fully understand the scope of safety issues, based on accurate rates of side effects from such medications."

This website allows doctors and patients to not only search a drug's known side effects, but you can also see recent drug news, find out which drugs have the most side effects, and as a registered user you too can share your the side effects you experience with your meds.

In my experience, pharmaceutical inserts and websites are not the accurate when it comes to listing side effects, so I highly recommend utilizing this website. And please share this on your blogs, discussion forums, facebook, twitter, google+, as well as your doctors.

Vertical Heterophoria

2011-10-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

Could eye misalignment be the cause of so many of my issues? I just finished an online questionnaire to find out, and I'm hoping someone will contact me soon. If they're doing clinical trials, I want in!

The Vision Specialists of Michigan state the following on their website:

Do You Suffer From Dizziness, Headaches and/or Anxiety?

Have you seen numerous Doctors, had multiple tests, tried many different medications, without much relief?

This may be the solution you have been seeking

The doctors at Vision Specialists of Michigan have made pioneering discoveries into the diagnosis and treatment of Vertical Heterophoria, an uncommonly recognized and poorly understood eye misalignment condition. Those who suffer from Vertical Heterophoria tend to have a small amount of vertical eye misalignment, which is corrected by using the eye muscles to properly reposition the eyes. However, using the eye muscles in this manner overworks them and they become strained and fatigued, causing the many symptoms of Vertical Heterophoria:

Dizziness
Lightheadedness
Nausea
Unsteadiness / Drifting While Walking
Poor Coordination / Clumsy
Poor Depth Perception
Motion Sickness
Headaches / Face Pain
Eye Pain / Pain with Eye Movement
Neck Ache / Upper Back and Shoulder Pain
Head Tilt
Anxiety
Feeling Overwhelmed or Anxious in Crowds or Large Spaces
Light Sensitivity / Glare
Double Vision / Shadowed / Overlapping / Blurred Vision
Difficulty with Reading & Reading Comprehension
Skipping lines / Losing your place while reading
Fatigue with Reading
Closing / Covering an eye to make it easier to see

The severity and number of symptoms vary from person to person - some people are much more affected than others.

Most patients experience a marked reduction in their symptoms with precise prismatic correction

The doctors at Vision Specialists of Michigan have developed a very detailed and specialized Neurovisual Evaluation, which allows for the accurate diagnosis and treatment of Vertical Heterophoria. Using realigning prismatic spectacle lenses, the strain and fatigue within the visual system is reduced or eliminated. Patients notice significant improvement in their symptoms during their first office visit. Improvement continues over the course of several visits as the prismatic prescription is fine-tuned and customized for the individual.

One thing I haven't attempted to minimize migraines...juice fasting

2011-09-13T12:55:00.000-07:00

These two movies have motivated both me and my husband to increase our vegetable intake, and reboot our bodies.

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Forks Over Knives

Today is Day One out of 10 of our juice fast. It won't be easy, but it's one form of treatment I've yet to try to minimize my migraines. Juicing for 10 days helped a migraineur in FS&ND, and I'm hoping I'll see positive results as well.

Following an Ayurvedic diet (not as strict as I should) has greatly diminished migraines caused by food triggers, but I still suffer from daily headches and hormonal migraines (as well as those triggered by climate changes, chemicals, and hormone fluctuations).

I'll be posting updates, so you can track my progress. For the record, we'll be consuming organic fruits and vegetables. Just say no to genetically modified foods and pesticides!

Day 1
Weight: 171.5 lbs
Waist: 37.5 inches
Migraine: 2 out of 5
Headache: 3 out of 5

Feeling sluggish, and tummy growling here and there. Watching television can be torture, but most of the fast food commercials I see make me gag anyway because I know how bad their processed [you-can't-even-call-it] food is.

Day 2
Weight: 169.5 lbs
Waist: 37.5 inches
Migraine: 2 out of 5
Headache: 3 out of 5

I fell asleep last night with a hormonal migraine on the right side, and overnight it had spread to the left. Maybe I shouldn't have picked this time of the month to start, but no matter...I'm determined to see this through.

Day 3
Weight: 168.5 lbs
Waist: 37 inches
Migraine: 3 out of 5
Headache: 4 out of 5

The day started off great; my head pain was minimal and I had lots of energy. But then afternoon sluggishness and head pain came on. It could be from going to dog park (pesticides), but it could also be because I haven't stopped taking my daily detox herbs after this mornings juice (versus the solid meal I usually consume). I will stop taking the herbs starting tomorrow and see if that helps.

Day 4
Weight: 168.5 lbs
Waist: 37 inches
Migraine: 2 out of 5
Headache: 3 out of 5

Felt blah most of the day due to the climate (chilly, cloudy with drizzles). I had to get into bed to get the chill out, after taking Harley to the park. Hoping to feel more energized in the coming days. My skin looks great, and I don't have any other pains at the moment besides head pain. It's so strange to not feel as hungry as I thought I would. Don't get me wrong - I'm definitely hungry. But I'm not anxious about getting something in my system as I normally would be.

Day 5
Weight: 168 lbs
Waist: 36.75 inches
Migraine: 2 out of 5
Headache: 3 out of 5

I woke up feeling pretty good, but by afternoon I didn't have much energy. Gyan commented about skin issues, and this morning I noticed two strawberry patch rashes on my upper chest. I've experienced this with detoxes in the past, and know it's a good thing. Itchy and annoying, but good.

I'm worried because I'm starting to get grossed out by the green juices (gagged a couple times). I know it's not healthy to do fruit juices all day, so I'll have to find a way to tolerate greens. I seriously need to review my Ayurveda paperwork that states what fruits and vegetables to eliminate from my diet. Because I went about this Reboot thinking I was a "normal" person instead of a Pitta, I'd been consuming a lot of spinach, citrus, carrots, beets, etc. Healthy foods yes, but known triggers for me.

Day 6
Weight: 166.5 lbs
Waist: 36.5 inches
Migraine: 2 out of 5
Headache: 3 out of 5

Success! I was able to drink this afternoon's green juice without gagging. Substituting tolerable veges was the right call. I didn't feel sluggish, nor did my head pain increase afterward. Now let's see if we can get those head pain numbers to drop even more in the next few days!

Day 7
Weight: 166 lbs
Waist: 36.5 inches
Migraine: 2 out of 5
Headache: 2 out of 5

Much easier dealing with this fast knowing I'm not adding more issues (besides desiring every food I smell and fighting not to scratch my rash). Hubby was curled up on the bed, clutching his stomach, suggesting we order pizza. I knew he was kidding of course, but it was so tempting.

Day 8
Weight: 166.5 lbs
Waist: 36.25 inches
Migraine: 1 out of 5
Headache 2 out of 5

Found another strawberry patch on my mid-back. Organic coconut oil helps keep the area cool in this warm weather.

Day 9
Weight: 164.5 lbs
Waist: 36 inches
Migraine: 1 out of 5
Headache: 1 out of 5

Thinking of Troy Davis today instead of myself.

Day 10
Weight: 163.5 lbs
Waist: 36 inches
Migraine: 0.5 out of 5
Headache: 1 out of 5

Seeing incredible results all around, but I can't wait to eat solid food. If I had omitted trigger fruits/veges at the start, perhaps I would have experienced totally pain-free days. I'll have to wait until the next juice fast to find out.

Conclusion
This experience wasn't easy, but maintaining those low pain numbers as I re-introduce solid foods will be the real test. I need to be less lazy about omitting pitta-aggravating foods. It's just so easy to fall back into old habits, especially when pain and other personal issues can cause stress.

The more I stay away from processed and fast foods, the more I see just how addicted I was. I was high on caffeine, MSG and HFCS when I was eating fast food twice a day, almost every day. My excuses being I was in too much pain to prepare healthy meals, and I had no idea where to start.

When I wasn't eating, I was thinking about eating. And when I was sleeping, I was dreaming about eating. I experienced mood swings (very easily irritated), anxiety and depression, terrible PMS, GI issues, brainfog, stuttering, vertigo, difficulty sleeping, I was fidgety, extremely sensitive to touch, and of course I suffered from chronic, high pain levels. Since finding Ayurveda, I've erased so many of those issues.

Food is an easy way to comfort ourselves, but there are always consequences. We may not notice them right away, but before long pain levels are more and more difficult to manage. So you consume more things to temporarily comfort yourself, and then you're in such an unhealthy state (physically, emotionally, and mentally) that you simply give up doing something about it. You have to decide now is the time, and take action.

Homo Toxicus

2011-06-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Still nursing my hormonal migraine, but I was able to watch this important documentary this morning. For Spanish speaking community, the film can be viewed in its entirety here.

Our environment is becoming more and more toxic, and our unborn children are being affected at an alarming rate. Sperm counts are decreasing, and chronic diseases are on the rise. The American media will not cover these topics, so it's up to us to educate ourselves and spread the word.

Health Update and Goals

2011-06-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

Nasty hormonal migraine today, which is still lingering. I was able to get through the day sans medication - preferring not to deal with tomorrow's inevitable rebound.

I wasn't able to be online, make or take telephone calls, leave the house, clean, read, or spend time with the hubby and pooch. Right eye tearing nonstop, sinuses plugged, and no way to diminish the ice pick drilling into the right hemisphere of my head.

Regarding food-triggered migraines, I may still be consuming hidden MSG, so I'll need to refocus my attention there. And the quests to substantially minimize sugar and white flour continue to be a challenge. But if I can knock caffeine, chocolate, and peanut butter, I know I can do this. Of the 30 pounds I lost, I gained four back. Because of the hubby's bad back, we stopped going to the gym, but I'm slowly making my way back to yoga.

Overall my diet changes have made a huge dent in my daily pain/inflammation levels, as well as weekly physical therapy. Because my insurance company continues to deny PT, I'm going back to my old pain specialist, who performed cervical nerve blocks and radiofrequency. I'm hoping he'll be able to see physical improvements in my neck due to PT, and perhaps convince Aetna why I need more visits. Or if it comes to it, we can discuss more blocks. I hate not being left much choice when it comes to my body.

Besides the above, my goals for the second half of 2011 are to go to the gym five days per week, officially break up with Ben & Jerry [I'm just not that into (my jeans thanks to) you], find a new Women's Health doc, and meditate. Since we've been home-bound the past six months, I have been spending more time in our yard, soaking in the glorious sun, while playing with nature (poking twigs through crunchy, dead leaves) like a child, and watching my dog at play. Harley teaches me so much about being in the moment.

What are your goals? Have you built a great team to help you achieve them?

Cancer is $erious Business

2011-06-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

To watch the full video, please visit Dr. Burzynski's website.

Harley the Healer

2011-05-05T21:46:00.000-07:00

Chased: A Poem Inspired By American Banksters and International Women's Day 2011

2011-03-08T14:51:00.000-08:00

Chased out of peace
Chased out of time
Chased out of home
All for a crime

Strength of a female
Courage to push on
Need time to catch your breath?
No! Family needs Mom

Desire for justice
Someone's got to pay!
Wall Street gets a bail out
But Main Street should feel shame?

Where are our bonuses?
Is submission what they seek?
Enough of these questions
Let's take it to the street

Chased into a corner
They minimize our bite
We will get up, stand up
Stand up for our right

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

2011-02-16T21:25:00.001-08:00

Today I watched an interesting video put out by BBC Horizon entitled, "The Secret World of Pain." One of the subjects, a stroke victim struggling with chronic pain, was able to find relief through Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (I sobbed along with her, as she experienced pain relief for the first time in years). Watch the video to find out more.

Is TMS an option for you? It's available at UCSD for depression, but unfortunately not for chronic pain.

Making friends with my discomfort

2010-11-20T13:16:00.001-08:00

Making friends with my discomfort.
Uncomfortable as it may seem.

Making friends with my discomfort.
She's every bit a part of me.

Love Beats Hate

2010-11-17T00:06:00.000-08:00

Whether young or old, each of us craves validation. But that doesn’t stop those who marginalize a particular group of people in order to create a sense of superiority – possibly to seek the very validation lacking from their own lives.

Although a negative event inspired “Love Beats Hate,” something very positive is occurring because of it. Today, along with scores of bloggers, I’m celebrating people who choose love above hate; those who have dealt with injustices and vowed never to let another person suffer through the same struggles alone. Because you’ve “been there” and “done that,” empathy guides you to extend a friendly hand, lend an ear, or provide a shoulder to cry on.

You join social networks, discussion forums, you blog about your experiences, or even upload video commentary - not because someone’s paying you, but because you’ve become the very friend you wish you had had when you were at your lowest point. That’s love.

Bloggers like me are rallying today, not only for sanity, but to shine a light on those who would rather sympathize than ostracize. Because life gifted us with our own experience, we seize the opportunity to use what we know to educate, support and motivate those who stand where we once stood. Even by just sharing our journey, we elevate the spirit of others. After all, how many of us have felt depleted after hearing a condescending comment, be it directed toward us or a particular group considered outside the norm?

The Internet plays such an important role in bringing together individuals from all walks of life. Someone on the other side of the world may understand what you’re going through more than your own family. There’s nothing quite like reading “You are not alone” from a stranger. I know it’s made a huge difference in my life.

I thank you for being a part of today’s blogging event, and I look forward to reading what others are sharing. Even by just spreading the word, you’ve proven how much love beats hate.

jasmine's cove is participating in "love beats hate" blogging event Nov 17th

2010-11-15T13:21:00.000-08:00

Migraines may have knocked me out of commission the past few days, but I will be participating in the "Love Beats Hate" event this Wednesday, November 17, 2010.

Please consider posting a blog entry, so you can be part of this event. You can sign up by using Linky Tools, and don't forget to "Like" the Love Beats Hate Facebook Page.

If you're on Twitter, please share this event with friends. And use the registered hashtag #LoveBeatsHate.

Dollars for Docs: What Drug Companies are Paying Your Doctor

2010-11-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

It isn't illegal, but just how much could receiving money from pharmaceutical companies influence your doctor? To find out if your doctor has received drug company money, use the widget on the right hand column of my blog.

Is your doctor listed? Would you continue to see him or her if they were?

Ayurveda, The Perfect 10 Diet, and Weight Loss

2010-08-10T13:49:00.000-07:00

When my doctor walked into her office for my follow-up, she did a double-take. Because I took a more serious approach to my diet, I was able to lose 20 pounds (and gain a healthier perspective). I won't go into details on how I did it because one size does not fit all. I will say that one common theme I've found with Ayurveda and from reading The Perfect 10 Diet is the importance of eating organic, whole foods and eliminating additives and processed foods.

"I sense heartache" is what I was told during my last follow-up. Today when my doctor read my pulse, whatever she sensed in June was no longer detectable. On the drive home, I realized the heartache I was experiencing wasn't due to my past after all. It was the possibility of losing our upside-down home due to mounting medical costs. Thankfully, I'm no longer stressed about my present situation. But how interesting - or merely coincidental - my doctor was able to sense the stress at that time, as well as my present relief, through my pulse.

Aetna has decided this year's physical therapy wasn't necessary after all, so I need to come up with the cash to cover six months worth of PT visits. Don't worry - I'm appealing. It may have just been a lack of documentation, so once my doctors and I get that turned in Aetna will hopefully decide in my favor. In the meantime I haven't been able to see my PT, and my cervicogenic headaches are sneaking back, hindering my exercise routine.

Versatile Blogger Award

2010-07-24T23:31:00.000-07:00

I used to peruse blogs and curiously scroll down sidebars, enviously admiring all those cute award buttons. I wondered how long those authors must have been at their craft before someone came along and gifted them the blogger version of a thumbs up.

Recognition and validation are very important, especially to those of us who have been invalidated by doctors, and their sometimes not-so-pleasant office staff. Even spouses, friends, family and co-workers can turn their backs on us when we need understanding the most.

While nursing today's hormonal migraine, I received notice of this award. I couldn't respond as quickly as I wanted to, but I had the biggest smile on my pain-filled face for most of the afternoon.

Rule #1: Thank the person who gave you your award.

Thank you MigrainePuppet for recognizing me and my blog, for sharing my blog with your readers, and for honoring me with the Versatile Blogger Award. I feel and admire the honesty in each of your posts, and I thank you for sharing your experience with me and all of your readers. It truly does take someone who's been there to understand and help you move forward, whether they're sharing helpful advice or just reassurance.

Rule #2: Share seven things about yourself.

The father I haven't heard from since I was two years old is back in my life thanks to facebook.

I want to travel the world, preferably places with zero cell phone access and amazing local food.

I can't watch backup singers without fantasizing about being one. Erykah Badu, call me!

I can't style my own hair to save my life.

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. But I'm all set with who I want to be.

I still play video games.

I'm joyously married to my high school sweetheart.

Rule #3: Pass the award onto bloggers you recently discovered, and who you think are fantastic!

A Stellarlife
No Fun
MediCann
The Canary Report
In Sickness and In Health
ChronicHealing.com
Free My Brain From Migraine Pain
Migraine Chick
Against the 'Graine
Dreams at Stake
Loving With Chronic Illness
Migraine-Free Cooking!

Rule #4: Contact the bloggers you picked and let them know about the award.

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Migraine

2010-07-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

I miss experiencing the changing of the seasons. Or maybe I just think I do because I'm spoiled by California's climate. Summers on the east coast were pretty grueling; the humidity just about killed me. On the other hand, because I don't live by the beach, my California summers are hot, dry and tend to cause cracking skin and nose bleeds. So, what are some of the things this Migraineur does to get through the arid summers of Southern California?

1) Keep hydrated with plenty of filtered water

2) Eat cooling foods - here are more great Ayurvedic tips for keeping cool during the summer

3) Saline Mist nasal spray for dry nasal passages

4) Dr. Bronner's Organic Lip Balms for dry, cracking lips

5) Organic Coconut Oil for spot healing any heat rashes

6) Homemade cooling packs placed around the neck - fill a tube sock with uncooked rice, tie a knot at both ends, and place in the freezer in a sealed bag; make two so you can switch them out

7) Ceiling fans and oscillating floor fans are great, but when I have to I use the air conditioner - check those filters

8) Polarized sunglasses - you shouldn't need to spend more than $25 for a good pair

9) Sunscreen - try not to be in the sun midday

10) A quick, cool shower is another option to a dip in the pool, if you can't tolerate chlorine.

What are some of your suggestions for keeping those nasty summer Migraines at bay?

Me, Migraine, and Medical Marijuana

2010-06-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

Having tried a broad spectrum of prescribed medications to manage Chronic Migraine, and having dealt with so many negative side effects from them, a few months ago I decided to seek out a doctor who specializes in medical marijuana. I wish I could say one of the many doctors I've seen through the years had suggested marijuana for pain relief, but sadly I cannot. We all know how much Big Pharma is an influence when it comes to what doctors prescribe. It was time for a different approach: integrative medicine. I came across a company called Medicann.

MediCann is a group of integrative medical clinics dedicated to providing health and wellness services including evaluations for medicinal marijuana. Dr. Jean Talleyrand, a licensed physician with the California Medical Association, founded this statewide network of 20 clinics that in 2009 has a geographic span from Eureka to San Diego. A champion of alternative healing and pain management through the use of medical marijuana, Dr. Talleyrand has brought his integrative wellness and healing approach to light in the healthcare industry, and continues to make inroads in his quest for patient care and comfort.

I was put in touch with a local doctor, and scheduled an appointment. Because of my sensitivities to smoke, I asked the doctor what else I can do to take advantage of marijuana's healing effects. He suggested using a vaporizer, and/or consuming pot-infused drinks and edibles. He pointed out I would need to take it slow because I don't yet know how much is too much, and because the effects take longer to feel compared to inhalation. This website compares smoking versus vaporizing herbs/plants:

When you heat organic matter to combustion, carcinogens, tar, and other toxins are released along with the active ingredient and inhaled as smoke. The temperatures used to burn material are far greater than necessary to release the active ingredients, and in some cases, the higher temperature can destroy the desired compounds.

After filling out paperwork, answering questions, and providing medical records that prove my health condition, I was approved for a medical marijuana license.

During my first visit to a marijuana dispensary I was a bit overwhelmed by all of the choices: dozens of strains of marijuana, as well as infused carbonated sodas, juices, cooking oils, sauces, tinctures, cookies, pretzels, brownies, etc. Because I can't eat some of the ingredients in the edibles, I decided to purchase marijuana and bake my own cookies. The only bad thing about this is if you get the munchies like I do, the last thing you want to be around is more cookies! So for now I'll stick with juices.

The mind and muscle relaxation I've experienced with medical marijuana is unlike anything else (prescribed drugs, alternative therapies like hypnotherapy, biofeedback or acupuncture, not even Botox, radio-frequency or nerve blocks). The pain is still there, but lessened somehow. Probably because my body doesn't tighten up or 'brace for impact' when the pain is at its worst. Besides the munchies, I experienced zero negative side effects. (Of course, if you're going through chemotherapy and marijuana is the only thing that will increase your appetite, the munchies are a very positive thing.) Like medication, side effects will obviously vary with each individual. I've heard from online pain sufferers that marijuana caused depression, or just didn't do anything for their pain.

I'll just leave it up to me

2010-06-24T15:39:00.000-07:00

When my step-dad started his 12-step program toward recovery, he began to substitute alcohol and other abused substances with religion. Unfortunately for me that meant I was expected to attend church, bible study, as well as sing in the church choir.

I saw a change in my step-dad. He started to become 'holier than thou' once he 'found God.' Like it had somehow become his mission to turn others onto Him because look how He's helped him maintain sobriety. Well, his sobriety never lasted very long, but the judgmental attitude certainly remained. Why couldn't he just be happy with God? It's obvious, he was bitter because he wanted to drink. And God couldn't take that away. But he'd never admit to it because that would mean having to face reality - that he was weak in the face of addiction. And putting his faith in a fictitious character gave him someone or something else to blame.

Just as children find out the truth about Santa, I came to the realization that God too is make-believe. But since I didn't know who to safely 'come out' to, I kept my non-belief to myself. The more I learned at school and working in the science field, and more impressionably, the more I learned from observing people, the more I felt confident in my belief that there isn't anyone above the clouds, watching our every move. And there was no life after death in heaven or hell. This realization taught me to appreciate life, to value myself and the people on earth. Everyone is trying to figure it all out. Amazingly the animals have it all figured out and they don't pray - those heathens! If someone needs religion to help them make sense of things that's great.

I can see how people might experience health benefits from prayer just like I can understand the health benefits of meditation or journaling. But when my step-dad 'left it up to God' was he just pawning his responsibilities on to someone or something else? Or was he temporarily, or perhaps permanently, disowning his problems, without ever having to truly face and correct them?

I don't need God to be good. If you do, that's okay. I can live a moral and ethical life without the fear of eternal damnation. I am an atheist and no longer afraid to write the words. And I'm working towards speaking the words also. If you suffer from pain, and are tired of all the forums that chat about God and prayer, I would be honored if this was your place to come to. I used to think if I didn't pray for strength that the strength wouldn't come. Well, I stopped praying to God a long time ago and I grow stronger every day. When others speak of praying for me, I kindly thank them. I see it as an equivalent of someone wishing me well, or saying that I'm in their thoughts.

Your Music Beats Through Me, Even in Silence

2010-06-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

Your music beats through me, even in silence.
A connection perhaps; a commonality between blood-strangers.
Can't name the pitch, but that painful tone is another story.
Secrecy keeps this world's rhythm steady.
Yet for such a minor role, this melody rings major.
Decades of time pass between lyrics, and lost are any memories of rhyme.

I sense heartache

2010-06-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

When those words left my doctor's lips last week I immediately had a rush of possible causes. My doctor had just finished performing Ayurvedic Pulse Diagnosis (Nadi Pariksha), which is used to determine what's going on in the body and mind.

Apart from understanding the Cause of the current ailments, the Diagnosis tracks the disease back to its origin. Even subtler levels of causal factors like emotional issues or specific thought patterns of the individual, that manifest into physical ailments subsequently are understood.
~K.RAVISHANKAR

I keep writing and deleting this paragraph because it contains so many personal things. Things I want to be able to share to help myself and others. Things I've shared with multiple therapists, hypnotherapists, and counselors already, but obviously my heart hasn't let go. I'll begin to share these things with my doctor during the coming months. I'm hoping she will help me overcome what's been causing me pain and heartache, and holding me back.

My Wellness Team

2010-06-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

Kulreet Chaudhary, M.D.

Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary is passionate about helping people achieve their goals by fine-tuning their health. She effectively combines her expertise in Neurology and medicine with her proficiency in Ayurvedic wellness programs to develop tailored health plans for her clients. Dr. Chaudhary is the Director of Neurology at Wellspring Health in Scripps Memorial Hospital and a pioneer in the field of Integrative Neurology. Dr. Chaudhary has successfully developed a powerful system to manage chronic neurological disorders—such as multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease and migraine headaches—by incorporating fundamental changes in diet and behavior, in addition to the standard allopathic approach to Neurology.

Dr. Chaudhary also serves as an advisor to HMOs to integrate complementary and alternative (CAM) therapies with existing allopathic programs. She is a neuroscientist for Coordinated Clinical Research where she has participated in over twenty clinical research studies in the areas of Multiple Sclerosis, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, ALS, and Diabetic Peripheral Neuropathy. Her research includes ground-breaking work in stem cell therapies for Diabetic Peripheral Neuropathy and drug development for the treatment of ALS. Dr. Chaudhary is also on the board of directors of the non-profit organization, Center for Neurologic Study, which is dedicated to researching the cause and treatment of neurological disease as well as supporting patient education programs. Dr. Chaudhary is the CEO and co-founder of Envision Health—a revolutionary company that integrates ancient wisdom and modern technology in the fields of medicine and sustainable building design. She also serves as the medical director for Envision Solar International for the LiveVillage™ program, which is bringing solar powered medical clinics, purified water, and shelter to remote areas in third world countries.

Dr. Kulreet Chaudhary completed her Internship in Internal Medicine at UCLA and her Neurology Fellowship at UCSD. She received her M.D. from Loma Linda University Medical School and was elected into the Alpha Omega Honor Society, which is it is one of the highest national honors bestowed to medical students based on their academic, leadership and ethical performances. She received her Bachelors Degrees in Biology, English Literature and Chemistry from La Sierra University. She has also appeared on The Dr Oz Show.

Ian Purcell, M.D., Ph.D.

Dr. Ian Purcell is chief neurologist of the Senta Clinic, located on the Alvarado Hospital medical campus. He holds both an MD and PhD in vestibular neurophysiology, and he has experience with NASA. This combination makes Dr. Purcell uniquely qualified as an otoneurologist able to treat patients with debilitating headaches and intractable dizziness.

Dr. Purcell has received numerous honors, including the prestigious Golden Neuron Award, which he earned while completing a graduate extension program at the University of California, San Diego. He then enrolled in the combined MD/PhD program in neurosciences at the University of Texas Medical Branch.

A tribute to his level of expertise, Dr. Purcell received funding from NASA and the Texas Space Consortium for six years as principal investigator. He worked directly with NASA scientists at the Vestibular Research Facility and gained valuable insight into design, treatments and alternative surgical techniques. Being a neurophysiologist, aviator, and Russian jet warbird enthusiast, this experience enhanced his deep interest in providing insight as to how sensory information related to gravity is encoded and processed by the vestibular system to control reflexes.

Today, Dr. Purcell is considered an innovative leader in his field. He currently heads the division of balance research at the Center for Neurologic Study, which has collaborated with pharmaceutical and biotech companies for years to develop cutting-edge therapies for neurological disorders. He designed and built his own larger, faster version of the Epley chair, which is used to treat more complex forms of vertigo, such as benign paroxysmal positional vertigo. Dr. Purcell also has created multiple, complex devices for testing, diagnosing, monitoring and treating patients’ symptoms.

“My patients are dizzy, not crazy,” says Dr. Purcell. “They should be able to live a normal life and have answers for their disorder.”

Kathy Grimsby, MPT, MOMT
Balance PLUS Physical Therapy

Kathy is board certified in Orthopedic Physical Therapy by the American Physical Therapy Association. She has 25 years of experience in PT including certification in Orthopedic Manual Therapy and is one of only two physical therapists in the San Diego County area certified in LSVT BIG physical and occupational therapy.

Kathy has been treating patients with imbalance and vestibular dysfunction for 14 years. She has received a Vestibular Rehabilitation Certification from Emory University under the direction of Susan Herdman, PT, PhD. Her added education in this area made a great impact in caring for her patient’s with dizziness or vertigo, and in implementing fall prevention programs with them.

She has additional specialty training in Women’s Health Issues.

Education:

Masters degree in Physical Therapy from: Loma Linda University 1996
PT Certificate from: University of Iowa 1979
Masters of Orthopedic Manual Therapy from: The Ola Grimsby Institute 1990

Certifications:

LSVT physical and occupational therapy exercise programs.
Manual Therapy by: The Nordic Group of Specialist (Oslo, Norway)
Vestibular Rehabilitation by: Susan Herdman, PhD, PT

Making food my medicine: Quotes to motivate

2010-06-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food.
~Hippocrates

He that takes medicine and neglects diet, wastes the skill of the physician.
~Chinese Proverb

Leave your drugs in the chemist's pot if you can heal the patient with food.
~Hippocrates

When diet is wrong medicine is of no use.
When diet is correct medicine is of no need.
~Ancient Ayurvedic Proverb

The doctor of the future will give no medication, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease.
~Thomas Edison

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
~Voltaire

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary.
~Elbert Hubbard

Selling Jem dolls and accessories to support the Breast Cancer Fund

2010-05-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

Growing up in the 80s, my girlfriend Tanya and I were completely gaga over the cartoon "Jem." We pressured our moms nonstop so we could increase our Jem doll collection/fetish, and we would sing along to all the songs. That cartoon was silly, but it taught us valuable lessons about humanitarianism, acceptance and love. Now I have the opportunity to auction off my entire collection on ebay for a great cause. Yes, I need the money, but something just clicked in me, and I decided this was the right thing to do.

The winning bidder will help me donate 100% to the Breast Cancer Fund. Why do I love this organization? They aren't afraid to admit the link between chemicals in our environment and breast cancer, unlike the Susan G. Komen's of the world who have the nerve to partner with a fast-food company.

Check out BCF to find out which chemicals are linked to breast cancer.

UPDATE: This lot sold for $766. Congratulations BCF! And thank you to all who helped spread the word.

Taking a positive step back

2010-05-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

If pain has taught me anything, it's taught me the ability to reflect. I realized I tried to turn my personal written journey toward a pain-free life - one I had hoped would reach some readers and help them see that they're not alone - into a let's-see-how-many-followers-I-can-find journey.

I started sharing my thoughts on sites like Wellsphere. When a friend warned me (thanks Jeanne) that they were placing advertisements next to MY words for THEIR profit, I deleted my account. I understand if your website/blog is your business, of course it helps to establish revenue in order to keep your site up and running. I no longer want to be affiliated with or promote websites that say they're all for a healthy lifestyle and then turn around and advertise perfume or a fast food company.

I started answering migraineur's questions on certain forums only to find my replies being censored or removed by moderators. I guess because the powers that be that sponsor such websites wouldn't dare like an outside company or doctor mentioned, even if it may help someone in pain. So I turned toward private messages to share support.

I started entering different blog carnivals, to share my journey with others, and gain some readers. But some posts, however truthful and on topic, weren't accepted. I guess it goes back to needing to fit a certain mold, and that's definitely not me. I love that I'm not attached to any particular business or sponsor. The freedom to share exactly who I am is true freedom of speech.

I'm taking a positive step back, and making this blog once again about my journey, and not about increasing "followers." Now, let's take some positive steps forward together.

I continue to follow my doctor-recommended Ayurvedic diet, which has reduced the amount of food-triggered migraines I experience. But because I'm not seeing much weight loss yet, I borrowed a new book from the library called "The Perfect 10 Diet." If any of you have tried it or are starting, please leave a comment. Read the Introduction.

Workplace Perfume Precedent

2010-03-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

Watch CBS News Videos Online

I shared a newspaper article about Susan McBride in December, 2008. I'm very happy to report she won her lawsuit, which will help spread awareness about the dangers of chemicals in fragrances like perfume, after shave, scented lotions, plug-in type air 'fresheners,' etc. For more about Susan McBride vs the City of Detroit, and this lawsuit, check out The Canary Report and MCS America.

Peaceful afternoon at Lake Cuyamaca

2010-02-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

Helping husbands understand our pain...or maybe not

2010-02-17T21:01:00.000-08:00

I've been deciphering the causes of my chronic illnesses for quite some time. So when it comes to getting loved ones to understand what we're going through, my advice tends to be don't even bother. If they care enough to educate themselves on the subject, or at least ask questions, fantastic. If not, don't sweat it. And please, please do not take it personal! Besides, you can find a ridiculous amount of support online. (And you don't have to write a blog to do so.)

My husband loves me like crazy, but he has little to no interest in studying the ins and outs of Migraines. This doesn't mean he loves me any less. Believe it or not, I find his ignorance on the matter refreshing (not always, but for the most part). He helps me feel like a 'normal' by just being himself, and expecting me to just be me - not my illness. Having him cater to my every need would do little to help me, in the long run.

In my husband's defense, once he realized he couldn't 'fix' my health, he felt defeated. This caused obvious tension between us. My physical therapist brought this to our attention, and gave me an assignment. I was to create a list of all of the things my husband does for me that minimizes my pain. It really opened my eyes to how men show love through actions, and it helped my husband see how much of a positive impact he really does have on me and my health.

I didn't have to get my husband to understand my pain because we both know that unless he personally experiences it, he won't ever understand it. What did help was discussing my triggers after repeated exposures to things like the chemicals in the environment, in our foods, and on the people around me. With time, he became aware of how quickly my health and mood can deteriorate. These observations gave him the knowledge to help me avoid those triggers, whenever possible. I love him like crazy for that.

What U.S. Senator Diane Feinstein thinks about Bisphenol A (BPA)

2010-01-16T11:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Mrs. Walton:

Thank you for writing to express your support for the "Household Product Labeling Act." I appreciate hearing your thoughts about this legislation, and I welcome the opportunity to respond.

On September 23, 2009, Senator Al Franken (D-MN) introduced the "Household Product Labeling Act" (S. 1697), which would require household cleaning products to have labels that list all of their ingredients to inform consumers whether or not the product contains potentially harmful chemicals. Current law requires that product labels list immediately hazardous ingredients, but there is no labeling requirement for ingredients that may cause harm over time. The bill is currently being reviewed by the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation. Although I am not a member of this Committee, I will keep your support in mind should S. 1697, or similar legislation, come before the full Senate.

Please know that I share your concern about the potential environmental and public health impacts of toxic chemicals, and I agree that consumers should have the information necessary to make an informed choice about the products they bring into their homes. I also believe that the United States should take a precautionary approach and determine the safety of all consumer products and chemical additives before they are distributed to the public. These potentially toxic chemicals should not be placed in products until they are tested and found to be benign.

It may interest you to know that I have introduced the "Ban Poisonous Additives Act" (S. 593). This bill would ban the use of Bisphenol A (BPA) - which has been found to be potentially dangerous to human development and reproduction - in all food and beverages containers. Additionally, in August 2008, President George W. Bush signed into law the Consumer Product Safety Commission Reform Act (P.L. 110-314), which includes a provision I drafted to ban phthalates from children's toys and childcare items. Exposure to phthalates can interfere with the endocrine system and can cause other severe, long-term health effects.

Again, thank you for your letter. I hope you will continue to contact me on issues that are important to you. If you have any further questions, please contact my Washington, D.C. office at (202) 224-3841. Best regards.

Sincerely yours,
Dianne Feinstein
United States Senator

What's Jasmine been up to?

2010-01-11T07:05:00.001-08:00

I'm alive and kicking, and attempting my third elimination diet. Only this time I'm doing it under the supervision of a Neurologist who specializes in Ayurveda. I won't post details until I see results - why waste anyone's time.

Now that we're in the New Year, I've been able to return to physical therapy twice a week - with 365 days in a year, only being covered for 25 appointments seems so cruel. My neck, shoulder and arm pain continue to heal, but there's still a lot of inflammation that needs to come down. Let's hope this diet change will reduce/eliminate the foods that are causing inflammation. Because PT has helped with pain levels, I've been able to perform light exercise in the evenings.

I sure hope to share good news with you soon, but it will more than likely take some time.

New Healthy Year: January 2010 Headache Blog Carnival

2010-01-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

This month's theme is "Healthy habits for the new year." Enjoy...

New Healthy Year: January 2010 Headache Blog Carnival

Migraineurs: Have Happier Holidays with Routines

2009-12-16T11:02:00.000-08:00

A Holiday must read...
Migraineurs: Have Happier Holidays with Routines

Happy Holidays, everyone!

The Canary Report releases its 2010 wall calendar

2009-12-15T13:40:00.000-08:00

Fifteen women tell The Naked Truth about Multiple Chemical Sensitivity through artistic expression. All proceeds go to the Environmental Working Group, a nonprofit on the leading edge of fighting for toxic chemical policy reform

Version 1 The Naked Truth of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

Version 2 The Naked Truth of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity: Seeking Our Nature

Video: The Naked Truth of Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

Petition: U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders (Vermont)

2009-12-15T13:23:00.000-08:00

Petition: U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders (Vermont)

A PETITION TO CONGRESS

Supporting Single-Payer Health Care

Whereas:

* 46 million Americans are currently without health insurance;
* 60 million Americans, both insured and uninsured, have inadequate access to primary care due to a shortage of physicians and other health service providers in their community;
* 100 million Americans have no insurance to cover dental needs;
* 116 million adults, nearly two-thirds of all non-seniors, struggled to pay medical bills, went without needed care because of cost, were uninsured for a time, or were underinsured in the last year;
* The United States spends $2.3 trillion each year on health care, 16 percent of its Gross Domestic Product;
* Americans spend $7,129 per person on health care, 50 percent more than other industrialized countries, including those with universal care;
* The U.S. does not get what it pays for. We rank among the lowest in the health outcome rankings of developed countries, and on several major indices rank below some third-world nations;
* The number of health insurance industry bureaucrats has grown at 25 times the growth of physicians in the past 30 years;
* In 2006, the six largest insurance companies made $11 billion in profits even after paying for direct health care costs, administrative costs and marketing costs.

And, whereas:

* Medicare has administrative costs far lower than any private health insurance plan;
* The potential savings on health insurance paperwork, more than $350 billion per year, is enough to provide comprehensive coverage to every uninsured American;
* Only a single-payer Medicare-for-all plan can realize these enormous savings and provide comprehensive and affordable health care to every citizen.

Now, therefore:

* We, the undersigned, urge the United States Congress to pass a single-payer Medicare-for-all program which will provide quality, comprehensive health care for all Americans.

Haiku

2009-09-20T15:58:00.000-07:00

nothing stays the same
and nothing lasts forever
be content with change

resistance breeds pain
permanence is not earthly
born instead in minds

These words were inspired by the article "The Myth of Permanence," in the November 2009 issue of Shambhala Sun. The author Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche states,

"We suffer because we are projecting the myth of permanence upon a situation that is actually conditioned, selfless, and constantly changing. Everything is interrelated and interdependent. There is nothing substantial and separate that we can lean upon. Samsara, 'the cycle of suffering,' is a direct result of our desire for permanence."

Balance Awareness Week: September 20-26, 2009

2009-09-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

Recently I discovered just how much of a role balance plays in my life and my health. In the past, I brought up dizziness with my Neurologist. He said I was experiencing vertigo associated with my Migraines, and he left it at that. I figured dizziness and feeling off-balance was just something I would have to live with, so I paid less attention to it. My Neuro may have been lazy for brushing my symptoms aside, but I was wrong for settling for his answer.

It was a reminder that even though I've come a long way in advocating for my health, I was still allowing a person with fancy degrees on the wall, and a white coat, to tell me they know me (and what I need) better than I know myself.

I'm sharing this life lesson so that you won't make the same mistake. If you have dizziness, or something just feels off (I've described my dizziness as a fuzzy, out there sensation at the front of my head) I urge you to discuss your symptoms with your doctor.

For more information about balance, visit the Vestibular Disorders Association (VEDA)

If you're not all caught up on my recent journey of discovery, here's a recap:
The Vestibular System Part I and Part II.
Diagnostic Testing Part I and Part II.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week Starts Today!

2009-09-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

If you have a chronic illness, or know someone who does, please take advantage of a free, 5-Day, online conference at Blog Talk Radio. Seminars begin today and run through Friday.

Learn how to cope with chronic illness in your marriage, how to simplify housework, finding a career that's just right for you, attending school with pain, applying and winning disability, how to say "No," and more! For a complete list of seminars and speakers, click on Invisible Illness Week.

30 Things About Jasmine's Invisible Illness(es) You May Not Know

2009-09-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

1. The illnesses I live with are: Migraine, Fibromyalgia/CFS, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, Vertigo and Obstructive Sleep Apnea

2. I was diagnosed with: Migraine around 1991, FM in 2001, MCS around 2003, OSA in 2009

3. But I had symptoms since: Migraines since childhood - worse at puberty, and transformed into Chronic Migraine around 1991

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: loss of a social life, and eliminating so many foods from my diet

5. Most people assume: I'm fine because they can't see my illnesses

6. The hardest part about mornings are: waking up with an icepick migraine or major stiffness in my neck, shoulders, arms and hands

7. My favorite medical TV show is: "Nurse Jackie" at the moment. It was "ER" and "St Elsewhere" in the early 80s.

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: I can live without them, but I would miss my computer. The Internet gives me an opportunity to connect with others who know exactly what I'm going through. And it's given me the ability to write about my experiences.

9. The hardest part about nights are: how good/active I feel because it's dark, cool, and the air quality is best. Unfortunately, it's when the rest of the world, including my husband, is asleep.

10. Each day I take about 10 different supplements, and a Migraine abortive when needed.

11. Regarding alternative treatments: I'm glad they work for others, but all they've done for me is drain my wallet.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: to not have to choose

13. Regarding working and career: I'm a homemaker who gets paid in kisses, and I really enjoy my bonuses

14. People would be surprised to know: how well I can sing, but I wouldn't dare let them find out

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality is: not being able to be as active as used to be - exertion is a huge trigger

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: learn an online video game and actually be good at it

17. The commercials about my illness: focus too much on pushing drugs versus prevention

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: being physically active

19. It was really hard to have to give up: my old life, so many of my favorite foods, a social life, and my paycheck/independence

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: playing the where's-the-hidden-MSG game, writing, researching, guitar

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: enjoy a tennis match under the warm sun

22. My illness has taught me: how to slow down, and how strong I am

23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "What do you do all day?" and "I barely put any perfume on," as if it's the smell that's causing an acute Migraine attack instead of the chemicals in the perfume. The word "cure" is thrown around too much.

24. But I love it when people: come to me for advice, and don't take my lack of a social life personally

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: "Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds." -Bob Marley's Redemption Song

26. When someone is diagnosed I like to tell them: what you're experiencing is real, and you're not alone

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: I can live below my means and be happy (gasp!)

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: my husband performs loving acts of kindness every day

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: too many people suffer from invisible illness in silence; I'm just doing my part to spread awareness

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: visible

Find out more about National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week and the 5-day free virtual conference with 20 speakers Sept 14-18, 2009 at invisibleillness.com

Tonight's sunset, Imperial Beach style

2009-09-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

This evening my husband and I drove down to Imperial Beach to watch the setting sun. Compared to the typical 100-degree days San Diego's been experiencing, it was nice to feel a little chilly as we made our way to the shoreline. Luckily I had someone special to lean on for warmth.

Diagnostic Testing Part II

2009-09-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

After much anticipation I finally had my follow-up and received the results of my diagnostic tests: Electronystagmography (ENG) and Vestibular Evoked Myogenic Potentials (VEMPs).

If you're interested in hearing what my exam entailed, this website entitled, Evaluation of Vestibular Function describes it perfectly, along with why each test is used. Just scroll down toward the middle, where it reads, "Vestibular Laboratory Tests."

The only abnormal results discovered were through caloric testing. As the website above describes:

This is the only vestibular test that stimulates one side of the vestibular system at a time. In this test, patients are placed in a 30 degree from prone position to allow the horizontal semicircular canal to be in a vertical orientation. Warm and cold water or air is then flushed into the external auditory canal at 7 degrees above or below body temperature. Varying temperature causes a non-physiologic stimulation of one labyrinth that may evoke vertigo, nystagmus, and occasionally nausea and vomiting. Warm water for example causes the perilymph to rotate towards the ampula, resulting in stimulation of the ipsilateral labyrinth and a drift of the eyes away from the stimulated side. The eyes compensate with a saccade toward the stimulated side. The opposite occurs with cold water stimulation. The mnemonic COWS is used to remember the direction of nystagmus (Cold Opposite Warm Same). Ice water irrigations can be used if milder stimulation does not result in nystagmus. Because caloric irrigation results in stimulation analogous to head movements of 0.002 to 0.004 Hz, significant vestibular asymmetry can exist in the presence of normal caloric responses as real-life head movements are in the 1 to 6 Hz range. Visual fixation should reduce the strength of caloric responses in the presence of normal CNS function. Failure to suppress nystagmus 50-70% with visual fixation is abnormal.

My results:
This video nystagmogram (VNG) was abnormal. This VNG showed no spontaneous, gaze, or positional nystagmus. Saccade testing showed normal latencies, velocities and accuracies. Smooth pursuit and optokinetic tests were normal and symmetrical. The Dix-Hallpike test for benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) was negative for both sides. Bithermal caloric irrigations were remarkable for a 56% Left unilateral weakness. Caloric fixation suppression was normal. Caloric testing suggests a peripheral vestibular lesion on the left side.

There's no official diagnosis of Vestibular Migraine, but I only saw the Physician's Assistant during the follow-up. She believes, along with my PT, that the Vestibular Rehabilitation exercises will help my inner ear issues. And if this vestibular lesion is exacerbating my Chronic Migraines, let's hope healing one will minimize the other.

I appreciate you all taking this journey with me, and I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Grand Rounds Blog Carnival - Vol 5.47 Invisible Illness

2009-08-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

Grand Rounds Blog Carnival - Vol 5.47 Invisible Illness included my article Understanding Invisible Illnesses.

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is September 14th - 20th. Click the link to learn how you can blog for the cause.

Diagnostic Testing

2009-08-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

Next week I'm scheduled for a couple of diagnostic tests: Electronystagmography (ENG) and Vestibular Evoked Myogenic Potentials (VEMPs). The Vestibular Disorders Association describes ENG as "a battery (group) of eye-movement tests that look for signs of vestibular dysfunction or neurological problems by measuring nystagmus (a type of involuntary side-to-side eye movement)." The site goes on to explain what occurs during ENG.

During ENG, eye movements are recorded and analyzed via small electrodes placed on the skin around the eyes. The electrodes attach to the skin with an adhesive, much like a small bandage. Alternatively, eye movements may be recorded by videonystagmography (VNG) using an infrared video camera mounted inside goggles that the patient wears instead of sticky-patch electrodes.

One ENG test evaluates the movement of the eyes as they follow a moving target. Another observes eye movements as the head is positioned in different directions. During the caloric test warm or cold water or air is circulated in the ear canal. The temperature change stimulates the inner ear in order to test the nystagmus response.

The Mayo Clinic's website offers some information on what I can expect during the VEMPs test.

This test measures tiny variations in neck muscle contractions that occur when a sudden burst of sound is introduced to the ear. The linear sensing parts of the inner ear cause a brief relaxation of the muscles in the neck which function to keep the head erect. To record VEMPs, a skin electrode patch is placed over the larger neck muscles and on the forehead. The patient lifts their head from the table while listening to a clicking sound. The electrodes then detect tiny changes in muscle contractions, which are analyzed by a computer.

I'll post my results as soon as I receive them. This is another one of those situations where you hope something is found almost as much as you hope nothing is found. Migraineurs always want - correction, we need - validation, and the thought that we may hear "you're normal," when we feel 100 miles from normal, can cause a little anxiety.

The Vestibular System Part II

2009-08-02T23:21:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago I completed the third week of physical therapy (six sessions), and I must say things are going well. I've been filled with an immeasurable amount of hope that my doctor, physical therapist, and I will solve my chronic neck pain without medication, nerve blocks or radio-frequency. The Chronic Migraines will hopefully lessen as well, especially since I'm getting more and more strict about the foods I consume.

Some recommendations from my physical therapist for:

inner ear disorder: usage of Vestibular Rehabilitation Therapy (VRT)

neck pain: support arms with pillows while seated and sleeping (wedge for neck while sleeping - having my head elevated helps with my dizziness and head pain/pressure, and a wedge for leg support) while sleeping; also for neck pain I have hot and cold packs; another tip she suggested was trimming my long, thick hair because the weight adds strain on my neck

eyes: pink-lensed anti-glare glasses (excellent when using computer)

eye strain: minimize video games, which overstimulate the brain (remember I lack the ability to block all senses, so video games with flashing lights, bright colors, movement and loud sounds will cause Migraine and Vertigo; also limit overall computer time and reading - achieve this by resting every 10 minutes and work your way up to longer time period

remembering names, places, directions, etc.: I have permission not to; all I have to remember is my name (what's interesting is the less pressure I put on myself to remember, the more I actually remember)

my relationship: before I vent about my pain - or something that's causing me stress - with my husband, I am to ask him how much time he'll just listen, knowing he's not allowed to try to fix the problem; also to create a list (see below) of all the things my husband does for me that help minimize my pain (by doing these things he is fixing my problems)

Some examples from my list:
works full-time so I don't have to
provides us with health insurance
makes me laugh like no other
understands or attempt to understand what I'm experiencing
fixes things around the house
drives me to my doctor appointments, and asks questions or takes mental notes
walks with me
talks with me
lifts heavy things for me
never complains
saves my love letters and notes
found my think-outside-the-box Neuro, who then introduced me to my amazing PT
...and some more things that are too personal to share

The Vestibular System

2009-07-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

My Otoneurologist, who ordered my sleep study, understands I'm searching for the cause of my chronic Migraines - not just a band-aid. Because I brought in old CT scans of my neck, and mentioned my returning pain he suggested I see a physical therapist (PT). Now I've seen multiple physical therapists and it's always the same routine: I do some lame exercises with smelly latex bands, then I get on the floor on some torture device (rock hard foam tube-like thing) that does nothing but set off my trigger points, then I get onto a bed where I'm strapped to a TENS unit (muscles jumping for 15 minutes or so; it actually makes me giggle but I think it's useless otherwise), then either heat or cold or both.

During my first appointment with my new PT I soon realized she was going to do more than just tackle my neck pain. Like my Neuro, she specializes in inner ear disorders, and it's an understatement to say this woman gets me. But why? I've never been diagnosed with any inner ear disorders. No doctors of yesteryear ever took any of the following symptoms seriously: dizziness, a symptom of vertigo, or if I was feeling 'a little off balance,' or experienced increased head pain when I'm flat on my back, or sensitivity to barometric pressure changes, etc.

After introductions and asking me a few questions, my new PT pulls out this huge poster, displaying the anatomy of the inner ear, focusing her attention on the Vestibular System and how it pertains to balance.

She explained how the brain is greedy when it comes to blood, and when I'm experiencing Migraines blood is being sucked away from the inner ear. When a part of your body goes without blood chronically one has to assume that body part suffers and possibly dies off completely. After almost two decades of chronic Migraine there may be degeneration in my inner ear, which explains the off-feeling I sometimes experience, as well as every other symptom listed above.

It helps me understand why I'm so sensitive to touch, smell, light (bright and flashing), sounds, and taste. It's not like a blind man having heightened senses. I just lack the ability to block things out (for example, a crazy-patterned blouse or an ambulance siren). I don't mean to forget your name - it's just too much information coming at me at once. It's why I can be completely blind-sided by someone's perfume.

The more she described me, the more I made sense, and with that came tears of release and hope (which she absolutely loved; she says that happens a lot during the first few appointments with new patients).

During my second appointment I was given some head and eye exercises. She also taught me how to use pillows to prop my arms up when I sit or sleep - to take stress off of my neck. And I now use a foot stool when I sit in my office chair.

More to come as I learn.

Understanding Invisible Illnesses

2009-06-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

When I meet someone new, and the dreaded So-where-do-you-work question comes up, I usually say I'm not working at the moment, and that I used to work in research. It's far easier than dealing with the look of confusion that washes over their face when I confess that I can't work consistently due to disabling, uncontrollable Migraine attacks, Fibromyalgia pain, and sensitivity to some of the chemicals the rest of the world can't detect. (Add to that list the newly discovered Obstructive Sleep Apnea.)

I would guess the confusion has to do with the fact that I'm standing right in front of them, no cane or wheelchair, with the ability to speak clearly. I look fine, attractive even. My illnesses are clearly hidden. Do I use this opportunity to tell my story? I've been through that enough with doctors, therapists, co-workers, lawyers, and insurance companies to drum up the energy to do so.

Unless they're experiencing them, most people don't understand invisible illnesses, more specifically invisible diseases, like Migraine. Even the medical community is still learning how Migraines occur and why. So how in the world can anyone really know what it's like to live with them unless you...well...live with them.

Let's say you've been invited to a party, and you need to R.S.V.P. This should be an easy task, but if you have Migraines a sense of stress may come over you. After all, you're being asked to predict how you'll feel that specific day, between the hours of "uh" and "oh." After you give the host a "Maybe," you then have to make sure you have all the medications you may need. You begin to drudge up worst case scenarios like what if the food and drink being served will trigger an attack? What if the party is indoors and someone is wearing perfume? What if you weren't able to get enough sleep the night before? Migraineurs long for the day when all they have to do is say "Yes, I'll be there." And the only stress is what gift little Johnny will adore or what wine to bring.

If you know someone living with invisible illness the best advice I can give is to be patient and don't take it personal if we need to cancel plans.

A question from Carolyn

2009-05-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Jasmine,

I've been following your blog for a while and seeing your posts on twitter and notice that you manage your constant head pain/migraine and the other health problems that go with it, so positively.

I've not always coped with my illness with grace and composure, so I am wondering how do you cope so well? Did it come naturally? Did you have a book that influenced you alot?

Thank you Carolyn for the compliment regarding my blog. It has been such an outlet for me, and it means even more to know others - who live with pain of any kind - also find it beneficial.

I used to be negative, mostly complaining about my condition and fell into the role of playing patient, and sadly it was all I talked about. I was losing myself in my illnesses and in the process my husband was losing his wife. My friends were losing me as well because I had zero zest for life. Once I started seeing how blessed I am compared to others, I started to view my pain in a positive light.

My positive outlook was definitely a process for me - one I had to really be ready to take on. I had read countless self help books in the past but nothing ever stuck for me. I've been through therapy, biofeedback, acupuncture, etc., with no changes in my symptoms. Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" really helped me identify the roles of patient and victim that I had taken on, and how I was letting my ego run my life. I wrote a little about his book as well as his interview on Oprah.com in the following posts: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and Role-playing.

An exercise I try to remember is focusing on the parts of me that are well, or not in pain. For example when I have a killer migraine I try to see past the pain and focus on a part of my body that is healthy.

I find exercise has improved my ability to fall asleep, as well as up my mood. The unfortunate thing is exercise - depending on how much exertion - can also trigger a migraine so I have to be cautious how much I do.

------------------------------------------

Others have contacted me, curious what I mean when I say,

You could say I suffer from Migraines. But I prefer to say I'm living my life well, appreciating all the gifts Migraines have brought me.

I know it can be difficult to see pain as a gift; I once felt that way myself. But in time I came to terms with my pain and realized I can learn a lot more from it when I'm not resisting. Some examples of the gifts Migraines have brought me (in no particular order):

1) My blog: as I mentioned to Carolyn writing has been a huge outlet for me. I lost much of my creativity when I let pain take over my life.

2) Finding out who my true friends are.

3) Learning to live within our means: I truly believe if I hadn't left my job my husband and I would have never learned we could live comfortably off of one paycheck.

4) Not being afraid to say "No." No more people-pleasing!

5) Learning to reach out to others for support and validation.

6) Making new friends online.

7) Learning to never trust people who claim they have a "cure" for any thing.

8) Cherishing the good days, learning to honor my limits and accept the bad days.

9) Becoming more aware of how sick our health care system is, and contacting politicians to share my views.

Sleep Study Part II

2009-05-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

The results of my Sleep Study are in...

Procedure: The test was performed by recording EEG, EOG, chin EMG, ECG, nasal and oral airflow, snoring sound, respiratory effort, oximetry, body position, pulse rate, and limb movement.

This study was performed in two stages. The first part of the night involved analysis of the patient's sleep pattern while breathing unassisted. After 150.5 minutes, the patient was placed on nasal CPAP therapy, and data was collected for an additional 266.8 minutes.

Sleep Architecture - Diagnostic: Without the CPAP device, sleep onset occurred at 9 minutes after the lights were turned off. REM sleep did not occur. The patient's total sleep time for this section was 121.5 minutes. The sleep efficiency index was 80.7%

Therapeutic: After CPAP was started, the patient's sleep onset occurred at 19.75 minutes after the lights were turned off. REM sleep did not occur. The patient's total sleep time for this section was 199.5 minutes. The sleep efficiency index was 74.8%.

Disturbances of Sleep - Diagnostic: While breathing unassisted, the minimum oxygen saturation during the study was 88%. The patient had intermittent snoring. The Apnea/Hypopnea Index (AHI) was 43 (less than 5 is normal). The total Periodic Limb Movement Index (PLMI) was 0. There were no significant cardiac abnormalities observed. Mouth breathing was noted.

Therapeutic: After CPAP was applied with the pressure of +11 cmH2O, the minimum oxygen saturation was 91%. With this pressure, the patient did not have snoring, and the AHI decreased to 1.9. The total PLMI on CPAP therapy was 0. There were no significant cardiac abnormalities observed. Intermittent mouth breathing was noted.

Impression: This recording reveals Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) treated with a CPAP device.

After the follow-up I climbed into the car and wept. What started out as a slow stream of tears matured to venting sobs of frustration with a dash of hysterics. I had so many emotions crashing through me. And questions like, "Why the fuck didn't any of my other doctors, 'specialists,' Neurologists think of this before? Is it because they haven't truly listened? Is it because they'd rather push medications into the mouths of every living organism on the planet?" But wait...shame wants to join in on the fun - do I really want my husband to see me in that contraption? After the anger and and slight embarrassment subsided I felt elated because this could really be the answer I've been looking for.

Sleep Study Part I

2009-04-16T14:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I drove to the hospital to take part in a sleep study. My new Neuro wanted to rule out sleep apnea as a cause for my chronic Migraines. (I just realized he's the first - of about a half dozen or so Neurologists I've seen through the last 11 years - to order a sleep study.)

For the overnight stay I packed my own pillow, some toiletries, sleepwear (the hubby's used t-shirt so I had some sense of home), and a book. I arrived at the hospital around 6pm and there was a terrible perfume smell in the front lobby where I was asked to sit and wait. I felt a nasty Migraine coming so I told the check-in person I needed to wait outside. After 10 minutes I was signed in and guided up to the sleep study unit.

My private room was nice (luckily no chemical smells there). When I asked the admin nurse if I could take an abortive for my Migraine she said it was best that I didn't (grr!). I told my private nurse I would need to go to bed earlier than expected since my head hurt too much to watch TV or read. I just wanted darkness at that point.

After 20 minutes or so of hooking me up with different electrodes (to detect brain waves, nasal and mouth breathing, pulse, heart activity, when my chest and diaphragm expanded, and leg movements) I hopped into my new bed. The nurse left the room and within a few minutes was speaking to me through an intercom. She needed to check that all the wires were set up properly, so she ran me through some eye movement tests, as well as holding my breath, flexing and pointing my feet, etc. After saying goodnight I believe it took me about 30 minutes to fall asleep, but something caused me to wake up soon after. Besides feeling restrained by all these wires there were new sounds and smells to get used to.

After two hours the nurse came to my room to place the CPAP mask. This was pretty frightening at first. Having positive pressure air pushing through your nose and out your mouth is a freaky sensation - almost like drowning in air instead of water. Once the mask was securely on my nose, and I closed my mouth, I was able to calm myself down within a few long, slow breaths.

I can't recall how long it took me to fall asleep once the mask was on, and I definitely tossed and turned about a dozen times throughout the night trying to find some comfort. (Besides my Migraine I've been experiencing terrible neck and shoulder pain, which has started to radiate down my left arm.) I don't remember any dreams so it's possible I never reached REM. A few on Twitter assured me that facilities like this expect that patients will have difficulty sleeping, so I feel less like a failure.

My main issues with the CPAP mask were 1) the pressure of the mask pushing on my already sensitive face and 2) every time I would fall asleep, the positive pressure forced air into my mouth which would cause it to open. This small opening would create a sound and sensation I'm not used to, so every time it occurred I would wake up.

At around 5:30am the nurse came in to unhook me. I was told I could relax and take more time if needed, but I wanted to go home to my hubby, our dogs and huge bed. Because I had a lot of goo in my hair once the electrodes were removed I was told to shampoo my hair well. So when I got home I had a little bit of cereal, popped an Axert and took a hot shower. After getting into bed I turned on the heating pad to pamper my sore neck and shoulder, which felt divine. I slept for about three hours and felt so much better when I got up.

After my follow-up I'll be sure to post my results.

---------------------------------

I did get my results back for both my MRI/MRA/MRV and blood tests. Because my sed rate was elevated (inflammation present in the body) my Neuro ordered a CRP test to double-check, as well as serum fibrinogen levels and SPEP.

I'm happy to report my MRI was normal.

Friendship and Pain

2009-03-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I've been too ill the past two weeks to do much of anything, but I've had the following ideas sitting in my edit pile:

Healthy Friends: When being able to forget is the best medicine

Toxic Friends: When letting go helps you heal

Until I'm up for writing again, I'd love to hear from you. Discuss someone you know, who has helped you forget how bad your pain can be. Or if you prefer, discuss a toxic friend you had to let go of in order to put your health first.

Rodale recipe finder

2009-03-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

If you recall my post Recipes just for me, I mentioned a recipe site that takes your dietary restrictions into consideration. Well, I found something even better: The Rodale Recipe Finder.

With Rodale you have the added feature of listing your "Health Concerns." Some of those being anemia, diabetes, GERD, pregnancy, high cholesterol, and even Migraine! How awesome is that?

March 2009 Headache and Migraine Disease Blog Carnival

2009-03-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

This month's theme was "Advice for Creating a Migraine-Friendly Living Environment." Check out Diana Lee's blog at Somebody Heal Me where you'll find great tips on how to prepare your home before your next Migraine.

jasmine's cove

2009-03-05T23:31:00.000-08:00

When I created this blog I didn't know what to call it. Because I had allowed my health to become the center of my universe I thought about a name like My Migraine Journey, but something wouldn't allow me to give such recognition to the very term that had already become such a negative part of my life. After deciding on jasmine's blog I realized jasmine's cove better depicted the escape I often longed for when the beast broke in.

Migraines can strike any time, any place, but I always feel comforted when they occur at home. In my cove, my nook, my bed, I'm able to create the escape I need to get me through an attack. Rest is just too important, so creating the best environment in your bedroom is vital. What sense would it make to work on your kitchen, garage or bathroom when the bedroom is the first place you'll seek when a Migraine hits?

My arsenal consists of a heating pad, a supportive pillow, soft sheets and a warm down comforter. My bedroom is clutter-free; less stuff equals less to manage and focus on when all I need to be concerned with is getting rest. (So if you have piles of clothing, or stacks of magazines or books, find a home for them before your next attack!) And notice I said rest because there are times the pain will be too intense to fall asleep.

If photophobia keeps me from watching television (in the living room), I listen to soothing music or National Public Radio. Migraines can sometimes last for days so NPR keeps me entertained and up on current events. Because of phonophobia the telephone ringer is usually off, or at least on the lowest setting. My brain just doesn't need the added stimuli. Speaking of which I never keep scented products like candles or plug in air fresheners in the bedroom.

Is your home prepared for your next Migraine attack? If not, I hope this post gave you some ideas. And if you have any tips you'd like to share I would love to hear them.

New Neuro

2009-03-05T12:04:00.000-08:00

When my husband broke his collar bone he was also experiencing major vertigo. We figured it was due to his pain medication, but after two weeks of stopping his meds the dizziness continued. His doctor recommended a Neuro who specializes in otoneurology and within an hour of his visit he was literally cured of his vertigo. Who is this doctor you ask?

I decided to visit Dr P for a fresh perspective, and because my husband honestly would not stop nagging me to schedule an appointment, and I'm so very glad I did. I already knew I had vertigo associated with my Migraines, but luckily it doesn't occur that often, so during my visit we focused on my long history of medications, therapies and side effects. Because he could see I was in pain he gave a series of Lidocaine injections. He ordered an MRI and MRA/MRV, and in four weeks we'll have a follow-up. He and his PA know about my FMS, so they mentioned the possibility of trying Lyrica in the near future. He also ordered a sleep study to rule out sleep apnea.

I have to admit I was a bit overwhelmed; so much information flying at me at once. But their enthusiasm to get me well, after knowing how long I've been suffering, has me really excited about what the future holds. I can't tell you the last time I left a doctor's office feeling that way.

Update

2009-02-14T19:41:00.001-08:00

For the most part I've been in good spirits. My blog is gaining more readers and support, and I've really enjoyed getting to know all my new online friends. Pain is such an emotional journey for everyone who experiences it, as well as those who know - or live with - someone in pain. So reading about their ups and downs definitely inspires me to keep moving forward, and live my life as best I can.

For about five days straight I dealt with nasty Migraines that became more intense toward evening. San Diego has been experiencing a lot of rain, so I'm sure barometric pressure changes are the culprit. I veered off my elimination diet the other night and had some pasta, and man did I pay the price. I had an ice-pick Migraine, which let up after about 11 hours of bed rest. Do you know how frustrating it is to be half-Italian and not be able to eat pasta?!

Tonight is Valentine's so the hubby and I nibbled on chocolate-covered strawberries and toasted to another year of love, laughter and adventure. And we wish the same for you.

Recipes just for me

2009-01-25T15:08:00.000-08:00

I was recently thumbing through my Gluten-free and headache prevention cookbooks and I realized almost every recipe contained some food or ingredient that triggers pain in me. So I ran a search online, trying to find recipes just for me and came across the same problem. Then I get the crazy idea to create my own website, where people can register and create a profile listing the foods or ingredients they cannot eat. And whenever they needed a new recipe tailored to their specific needs my site would have their information stored.

I contacted a web designer to see what he thought. When he said it was a unique and excellent idea I got all excited. And even more so when he mentioned possibly generating income through advertisers. We were planning to meet up this week to discuss my idea further. I was already brain-storming: jotting down how the homepage, sign-in page and profile page would look. I even had a possible name picked out: recipesjustforme.com.

When I came home from the gym today I decided to look up more sites - to make sure my idea isn't already out there. I had done this before and didn't find anything similar. But when I ran a search on recipes plus dietary restrictions I found Diet Enlightened.

It was a bittersweet discovery because here I thought I came up with something innovative. But the good news is now that I found this site I can share it with you all, and we can possibly help it grow.

Tonight dear! I have a headache.

2009-01-17T00:46:00.000-08:00

"I doubt that sex is a reliable treatment for headache," said Evans. "You can't grab somebody in the office and say, 'Hey, it's a medical emergency!'"

That quote from ABC News article Headaches and Sex: "Yes, Tonight Dear" made me giggle so I just had to share. Though I have to disagree with Evans' doubts that sex is a reliable treatment. Sex is the closest thing I've found to meditation. It's the one activity that quiets my mind and helps me focus on me and my partner - husband and best friend of 18 years. The only downside is the pain relief is only temporary, but it is relief and more importantly it's drug-free.

I found an article from WebMD I could relate to entitled "Migraine Sufferers: Are They Sexier?" Could sexual desire be stronger in 20% of Migraineurs? Well, I can't speak for all sufferers, but it sure as hell is stronger in me. And since I suffer from daily pain you could imagine how my poor husband feels about all this.

Another interesting WebMD article lists the 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex. Did you know sex and orgasm creates higher levels of the antibody Immunoglobulin A (IgA), which helps protect you from catching a cold and other infections? Another benefit is the release of the hormone oxytocin, which helps us bond with out partners and build trust. Thanks to surges of oxytocin, endorphins are increased causing pain levels to decline. And if you thought this hormone wasn't fascinating already, the article goes on to say that increased levels of oxytocin even help you sleep.

With all the benefits there are to having sex I'm sad to report there are a number of Migraineurs who suffer from sex headache. For them reaching orgasm could spell out terrible head pain. I couldn't imagine what that can do to a relationship. The good news is that increased levels of oxytocin don't only occur during intercourse. Just cozying up to your partner or hugging a loved one can do the trick.

Coping with Suffering: January 2009 Headache Blog Carnival

2009-01-13T15:56:00.000-08:00

I'm excited "The Pursuit of Painlessness" was selected for the Headache and Migraine Disease Blog Carnival. Please click the link above to visit Diana's blog, and read how others are coping with Migraines.

My apologies

2009-01-05T13:15:00.000-08:00

If you've E-mailed me in the past few days please resend. My hard drive decided it was his time to go, so I'm starting fresh. Unfortunately I've lost all E-mail contacts.

Hope you're all doing well.

Migraine Study

2008-12-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

About a day after my trip to the emergency room to treat a bad Migraine, I received a phone call inviting me to participate in a study for a Migraine preventative created by Merck. And because I experience at least three Migraines per month the doctor was eager to set up an appointment.

When I arrived at the clinic this morning a receptionist handed me a thick packet to review before seeing the doctor. It described what the study entailed, and it included a list of reasons to disqualify participants from the study. About half way down the list I saw it: patient cannot have more than 15 headaches per month. All I could think was "&#%@!" This is the same reason I didn't qualify for the MIST II Clinical Trial for PFO. Sometimes I think I should lie because I don't feel it's fair to be left out, but I know it could be a dangerous idea.

I have an appointment with my Neuro tomorrow. I need to ask him what I can take, before I work out, to prevent exertion headaches. And I need to get serious about rescue meds. I don't want to rely on the emergency room or my pain specialist when I experience a full blown Migraine.
Migraine

The Pursuit of Painlessness

2008-12-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

Maybe you've been there: you hear a friend say, "I had the worst headache last night and I thought of you...I don't know how you do it." On the one hand you're grateful someone has walked in your shoes for a few hours. But then there's that sense of envy because you know their experience had a beginning, a middle, and an end. Where's our end?

If you're like me there never really is one. There's a lessening of pain for which I'm always grateful. But there is never a true end to it. So how does one go on, with a positive outlook, when they're faced with pain every day?

It isn't easy. You almost have to adopt a Pollyanna approach - finding the good in life, no matter the hardships. But thankfully there's something called empathy that sees you through. A friend, family member or co-worker can have sympathy for your situation, but it will always take someone who's truly been there to reassure you that you're going to be alright. They keep you going.

Sharing my experience with others, and learning from others who have been there inspires me to face every challenge life brings. And counting my blessings puts things in perspective. No matter how much I hurt, I know there's someone out there dealing with worse. Having a great sense of humor also helps. The ability to laugh at myself and my situation not only sees me through difficult times, it actually eases my pain.

Finding a hobby or something you're passionate about helps pass the time as well as get your mind off pain. I know people in pain who write, garden, volunteer, teach, sing, paint, create jewelery, show horses, etc. For some faith gets them through, for others it's music.

In the pursuit of painlessness I've learned the best thing is to stop pursuing. If I'm always striving to get to that place I'll miss out on the life that is happening right now.
Migraine

Excellent ER visit!

2008-12-18T17:56:00.000-08:00

It's not often I go to the emergency room when I have a killer Migraine. After having a terrible experience some years ago I vowed never to return. But last night's pain was so bad it scared me. I asked the hubby to take me to a different ER and I'm happy to write it was a wonderful experience.

We went to Sharp Chula Vista Medical Center and within 20 minutes I was laying down in a dark, private room. The staff was understanding, knowledgeable and treated me with respect. They were able to bring my pain from a 10 down to a 4. And an added bonus: no one was wearing perfume or cologne.
Migraine

Give

2008-12-04T11:25:00.000-08:00

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: Give
If you had $100,000 to give away, to what person(s) or organization(s) would you give it?

The Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) for their continued efforts to protect wildlife and wild places around our world. I first heard of this organization in Robert F. Kennedy, Jr's book "Crimes Against Nature: How George W. Bush and His Corporate Pals Are Plundering the Country and Hijacking Our Democracy."

Maximizing Your Enjoyment of the Holiday Season

2008-12-03T13:54:00.000-08:00

We all know how much pressure the holiday season can put on us, especially those who deal with pain. What helps me maximize enjoyment during the holidays? I sing along to Christmas music, I make plenty of hot chocolate and comforting soups, my husband and I go for walks or drives through areas in the city known for their Christmas light displays, and if I can afford it I donate to charities in someone's name.

It's best to choose a charity that fits their personality and/or interests. For example, if your cousin plays the flute in school you can donate to VH1 Save the Music Foundation in their name. You're helping out a great cause and teaching the valuable lesson of giving. And the added bonus: it doesn't involve wrapping paper or shipping fees.

Judge says perfume lawsuit can proceed

2008-12-02T11:33:00.000-08:00

Thursday, November 27, 2008

A Detroit city planner says co-worker's scent interferes with job performance, breathing.

Paul Egan / The Detroit News

DETROIT -- A city of Detroit planner can proceed with her lawsuit alleging a co-worker's perfume made it difficult for her to breathe and impossible to do her job, a federal judge has ruled.

In an opinion released late Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Lawrence P. Zatkoff rejected the city's attempt to have Susan McBride's lawsuit, filed under the Americans with Disabilities Act, dismissed.

McBride "has produced evidence that her breathing is significantly restricted" by a co-worker's perfume, and she has a potential claim, Zatkoff ruled.

Both McBride's Detroit attorney and the chairwoman of the Chemical Sensitivity Foundation said Wednesday that Zatkoff's decision to allow the lawsuit to proceed is significant.

"He recognizes that this is the type of claim that's viable," said attorney Ann Curry Thompson, who represents McBride. "These are types of claims that in many jurisdictions ... are sort of pooh-poohed and are not taken seriously."

Grant Ha, the attorney representing the city in the lawsuit, did not return a phone call Wednesday. Ha said in a June court filing that "there is no medical diagnosis of the alleged condition," and McBride "is not disabled because she is not substantially impaired in a major life activity."

But Zatkoff, who sits in Port Huron, found that McBride's difficulty breathing as a result of her co-worker's perfume does present a potential claim under the federal law designed to protect the disabled from discrimination in public places and the workplace. He dismissed McBride's claims that her chemical sensitivity also impairs her ability to shop for detergents, speak, interact with others, and reproduce.

It's not clear that the city took reasonable steps to accommodate McBride's condition, the judge ruled.

Alison Johnson, chairwoman of the Chemical Sensitivity Foundation in Topsham, Maine, said she welcomes Zatkoff's decision to let the lawsuit proceed.

"These perfume sensitivities are very real, and I can't tell you how many lives they are ruining," Johnson said. "Maybe there's beginning to be recognition that these things are serious."

McBride is seeking unspecified damages. Thompson said the major goal of the lawsuit is not monetary damages but "to educate people about the issue and seek voluntary compliance, where possible."

The city is continuing to fight the lawsuit, which could be headed to trial next year.

You can reach Paul Egan at (313) 222-2069 or pegan@detnews.com.

Environmental Illness

Thank You Note

2008-11-27T08:25:00.000-08:00

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: Thank You Note
Write a one-minute thank you note to someone.

The Internet houses many "someones," so I'd like to take a moment to thank you Internet. You've brought so many amazing people into my life. Thank you for being there day or night, any time I need you. And for teaching me so many new things, as well as help old friends find me (and help me find them).

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my someones!

Haiku

2008-11-25T14:14:00.000-08:00

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: Haiku
Close your eyes; turn around; and open your eyes. Write a haiku about the first thing your eyes see.

Bird on snowy branch
With purpose, so bold, so free
Sing sweetly for her

Network

2008-11-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

The One-Minute Writer: Today's Writing Prompt: Network
You're starting a new television network. What is it called, and what kind of programming will you air?

The Before You Network
Programming includes real life experiences that teach you what you should know before you marry, get pregnant, purchase a home, choose a career, etc.

This weekend

2008-11-17T11:15:00.000-08:00

The One Minute Writer
Today's Writing Prompt: Weekend
Write about something interesting that happened this weekend.

This weekend I couldn't get rid of my hormonal Migraine so instead of getting upset I chose to celebrate my connection to the Earth. As much as I fear society is losing its relationship with nature (for example those in highly populated areas who have to drive long distances to witness starry nights) I take comfort in the fact that, whether it feels good or not, my body is regularly connected to the same moon as the many women before me.

Migraine

Searching

2008-11-08T22:07:00.000-08:00

I once hired someone to find my father. And if I remember correctly there were four possible choices. A couple potential Pops were too young so I found myself writing two identical letters. They included my name, my mother's name, my place and date of birth, and my purpose for writing. I believe I brought up the subject of health issues because I know nothing of his side of the family. Migraines? Cancer? FMS? MCS? PFO? I had no effing clue.

One man was kind enough to write back, explaining where he was stationed during my birth. He said I sounded so sweet he wished he was my father. It was safe to assume the one who didn't reply was my dad. The letter wasn't returned so someone received it, opened it, read it, burned it or hid it away.

When I got married I decided to make my maiden name my middle name. The obvious reason being I didn't have a middle name. I believe my mom was aiming for Jasmine Sunshine (don't laugh) but my grandmother didn't approve. But the truth is I wanted to hold onto my name in case my father decided to one day look for me - kinda like all those fantasies I had as a kid of him rescuing me. Some time after I would learn he questioned even being my father - probably a way to make walking away from his family easier. It helps explain why he looks so damn happy in the few pictures I have with him - before he decided my mom and I complicated things.

I usually think about him around Christmastime. But another reminder is our new President-elect Barack Obama, who was abandoned by his father the same age as me. And I'm reading John Irving's "Until I Find You," which so far revolves around a mother dragging her four year old son from place to place searching for his father.

Is an absentee father the reason I want a child? So I can witness the proper role of a dad through his or her eyes? My husband is so incredible and has proven he's not the runaway type. In fact he was the first man in my life who - when we had issues in the past - left the decision of ending our relationship up to me. But I know it's not the responsibility of my husband or our future child to heal me. But one can't deny that we learn the most about our parents when we become parents ourselves.

Sign of the times

2008-11-05T15:27:00.000-08:00

I recently viewed a photograph of adorable second graders, celebrating Halloween with their fellow classmates. As I scanned each child I realized there were no handmade costumes. No creativity whatsoever went into dressing these kids for Halloween. I thought back to one of my favorite disguises Raggedy Ann. My mom dyed a mop head, found me a cute little dress and apron (probably my grandmother's), striped socks and a pair of my own black dress shoes. Lipstick and eyeliner finished the look, and I was off.

Thank you for not only being an amazing single mom - working two jobs to get yourself through nursing school - but for taking the time to make Halloween about me, not Disney.

Wedding Anniversary

2008-10-11T18:39:00.001-07:00

Just a quick post to thank the love of my life for 18 years of friendship and love. Last night he took me out to hear live jazz. It was a local bar & grill he had never been to, but he always thought of me when he drove by. Tonight is sushi at our favorite spot, so I need to get ready.

It's not just me

2008-10-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

This morning I watched Iconoclasts on The Sundance Channel. This episode showcased Quentin Tarantino and Fiona Apple. And even though I had seen it before, something told me to watch again. Towards the end of the program Fiona Apple said the following, and I'm paraphrasing:

I'll always go for being alone before I'll go for going out or anything. I don't talk on the phone. I spend so much time by myself. And I had really gotten down on myself in the past - like I should want to be social more, I should want to be going out...there's gotta be something unhealthy about this. But I have to spend the whole day in pretty much silence and boredom. I have to just bore myself and make myself so sick of being alone that I'm hungry to be around all those people.

By 'all those people' she's referring to performing in front of her fans. If you don't already know, Fiona Apple is an accomplished singer/songwriter. After I heard her say those words I realized what drew me in. I can relate so much - minus the performance part. But if you think about it, many people with invisible illnesses put on a type of performance when they are in a public setting. How many times have you smiled through pain so you can appear okay? And how many times have you taken a sip or nibble of something you know is a trigger, but you don't want to deal with explaining your limitations?

When Fiona said she used to get down on herself for favoring staying home versus going out, I wish she had finished her thought. I'd like to think she would have added that today she accepts that side of herself, and that there's nothing abnormal about it. What I find comforting is she is completely healthy and feels this way.

Drumroll please

2008-09-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

Every year or so the hubby and I purchase our credit reports and FICO scores so we can check for errors as well as protect ourselves from identity theft. We were once in debt, with some of those debts going to collections, and we knew it would take some time to build our credit up again.

I'm writing today to celebrate the fact that our credit is in the 'very good' range. Of the three credit bureaus, my average FICO score is 769 and the hubby's is 771! We did a little high-five dance.

What I've Learned

2008-09-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

I wrote this up for my little brother, who will be venturing out on his own in the next few days. But since so many can benefit, and may even have things to add, I thought I'd share it.

What I’ve learned about…

Relationships – true friends will never ask you to be something you’re not. If they love you, and are looking out for your best interest, take the time to listen to their advice. If they’re emotionally draining you let them go. If you’re having sex, use protection every time – no excuses!

Credit Cards – building up your credit scores is a very good thing, so always be responsible. If you can’t afford something, don’t rely on credit cards to bail you out. You will pay more than you bargained for in fees and interest. And always pay before bills are due, at least double the minimum payment (even better if you pay the balance in full). Never sign up for department store credit cards. Never use cash advance to borrow money.

Identity theft – is more common now than ever, so once you start building your credit, it never hurts to check your credit scores from all three bureaus Experian, TransUnion and Equifax every year or so. And with each credit bureau you are assigned a FICO Score (this is how lenders decide whether to approve you or not for loans – the higher your score the better; scores range from 300 to 850).

Loans – it’s very important you think twice before loaning anyone money unless you’re okay with the fact that 1) this will change the dynamics of your relationship forever, and 2) you will never be paid back. Never co-sign on a loan, no matter how good a friend it is.

Leasing vs. Buying – many people are addicted to that new car smell, so if you decide to purchase a vehicle (you can afford!) know that leasing a car is the worst idea because you’re paying someone to basically borrow an item you have to give back. Also if you opt to purchase a new car, the value depreciates enormously as soon as you drive that car off the lot. Only purchase a used vehicle (at least one year old) that you can pay off in under five years (three years is even better). Remember the longer you drag out payments, the more you wind up spending in fees and interest.

Renting vs. Owning – since you’re young you’re more than likely at the renting stage, where you’ll be rooming with friends or strangers. If you sign a lease, be prepared to be locked into that financial agreement. Whether renting or buying your first home, if you don’t understand what you’re signing get a professional opinion.

Bankruptcy – as long as you’re responsible in your financial choices, have enough of an emergency fund to get by for one year (if you lost your job or became ill), and don’t spend money you don’t have on things you don’t need, the need to file bankruptcy will hopefully never be an option.

401(k) – if your job offers 401(k) sign up and contribute the maximum percentage you can, especially if your company matches your contribution. And never borrow from your 401(k); act like it’s not even there.

Health Care – if your job offers health insurance sign up. Taking care of your body, mind and spirit will keep you on the right track. And in the event something should happen you will have the coverage to seek medical attention.

Pets – if you plan on traveling and seeing the world please don’t take on any pets until you’re ready to give at least 10 years of your life to them.

Volunteering and Charity – after you’ve saved up your emergency fund, and are well on your way to building a positive credit history, I want you to find a cause (or two or three) to either volunteer for or donate to. It is important to remember there are those less fortunate than you who are just as human as you are and need your support and kindness. You will receive so much more in return.

See I have this friend

2008-09-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

See I have this friend...
And she's in a lot of pain.

Is she cutting her own skin?
Does she vomit after meals?

See I have this friend...
And she's fighting to maintain

Is she using any drugs?
Drowning sorrows in a beer?

See I have this friend...
And she's pushing me away

Does she really want to change?
Then you have nothing to fear.

I'm Jasmine's front steps

2008-08-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

midnight:
1am:
2am:
3am:
4am:
5am:
6am:
7am:
8am: i hear the door! it's the hubby heading to work. i can feel how much he loves her. his steps are always lighter climbing up me than walking down.
9am:
10am:
11am:
noon:
1pm: i hear the door! JASMINE!!! she appears emotionless - as if she's hiding what's going on inside. she pauses checking the keys in her hands before she locks the door. she's probably going food shopping - she hardly leaves the house alone for any other reason.
2pm: just as i suspected - she's heading towards me with bags. she seems a bit more relaxed, relieved, accomplished.
3pm:
4pm:
5pm:
6pm: the hubby's home a little early. *light steps* i catch a glimpse of jasmine as she greets him. her steps are lighter now too.
7pm:
8pm:
9pm:
10pm:
11pm:
midnight

The comparison trap

2008-07-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my second day back to the gym, and while on the treadmill I glanced at women of all makes and models - my ego comparing my body with theirs. When I got home and sat down for a late lunch I thought about how fit I was in the past, and where I see myself in the future (health-wise). I tend to fall into this comparison trap a lot, but ever since reading "A New Earth" I've become more aware of my ego and the mind games she plays. In my awareness I realized something: When you're in the present moment there is no scorecard. There's no game, no set, no match...just love.

Mulege

2008-06-29T21:38:00.000-07:00

On our last Baja adventure, the hubby, little bro and I ventured down to Bahia de los Angeles. This time we drove about 14-hours to Mulege. Once we reached our destination I'm sad to say it took me at least two days to get acclimated to the heat; back to back killer migraines and vomiting - all I could do was lay down until it passed. But it was well worth it because Mulege is gorgeous.

Broke out the high heels

2008-04-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

/groovin to Anthony Hamilton

So I met with my girls for Happy Hour, where the old me would have quickly come up with some excuse to stay home. I not only said hell yes I broke out the high heels - a sexy silver pair with turquoise and purple studded accents the hubby picked out some years back. The last time I rocked them we were in Aruba, so their escape was long over due - as was mine.

Role-playing

2008-03-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

Chapter Four of "A New Earth" goes deeper into the ego and the roles we take on in order to get what we want. As Tolle states, "Usually people are completely unaware of the roles they play. They are those roles. Some roles are subtle; others are blatantly obvious, except to the person playing it. Some roles are designed simply to get attention from others."

Here's a bit of what Eckhart and Oprah discussed during week four's webcast:

Tolle: If you are not present you don't realize there is a source of power within, and then you believe that you need to get secondary power from someone or some situation or other people, then the ego plays roles to manipulate the environment and other people to get what it thinks it needs - not realizing that all the things that it thinks will give it the power that it seems to lack all that is already within you...if you could only be present in the now.

Oprah: Well let's clarify what we mean by role-playing. I think it's confusing to some people who say, "well, listen, I am a doctor, I am a teacher, I am a lawyer, I am a store clerk, I am a 'that'" Those are labels, and what is the difference between the job functions that we have and roles that we play?

Tolle: I met a woman middle-aged and she talked to me in a certain way, and I asked, "Are you a school teacher?" And she said, "Now how did you know that I'm a school teacher?" [He motions a back-and-forth pointing finger to mimic what this woman did as she spoke to him.] She talks to people as if she were talking to children at school. So even when she said, "how did you know?" she was pointing her finger. Of course, that's how I knew it, because she had become completely identified with her function. So the role took her over - she couldn't leave her function behind after work. Even inside her family she behaved like a teacher.

Oprah: So that's the essence of this chapter. Of course, there are all roles that we are assigned and labels that we use to identify ourself. What you're saying is the problem is when you become completely identified with it, and you think that is who you are.

Tolle: Yes, and you behave and act as if that were who you are. So you get trapped inside that conditioned personality. And whatever you do it's the personality that's acting out.

Oprah: You mention in the book where you play the role of patient, and if you go to a doctor who's playing the role of doctor he often doesn't see you the person cuz he's playing the role.

Tolle: Yes, he becomes so identified with his function that the function has taken him over and it has become a role. And many patients can actually feel that when they go to a doctor, whether there's a human being still there or whether the doctor has become the role. And so when the doctor has become the role when you go to that doctor you don't feel acknowledged anymore in your beingness. He might be very competent as a doctor, but something vital is lacking in the interaction. He might be the greatest expert in his field - it still doesn't help - something very vital is missing.

Oprah: And that happened to me recently; where you feel completely dismissed and disconnected because you're thinking, 'he's just trying to get me out of here so he can get the next person in.'

Tolle: If he does that to you, you can imagine what he does to a normal person (he laughs).

Three words every woman wants to hear...

2008-03-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

Chocolate Espresso Cheesecake!

My friends and I planned a mini-potluck so I baked this amazing cheesecake. I know very little about wines and cheeses, so I left that up to them. (I am interested in trying organic wine, so I'll have to buy a bottle or two for our next get-together. I'm wondering if less sulfites will mean less of a chance for a migraine. I drank very little, trying a few sips of white wine, a zinfandel and then red - making sure to drink a lot of water in between.)

I've really been enjoying Oprah and Eckhart Tolle's online class. Tonight's class will be discussing Chapter Three: The Core of Ego. But I wanted to share what one caller Victoria, from last week's webcast, spoke about (this is not a transcript but what I heard).

Victoria: I was diagnosed over 10 years ago with Systemic Lupus and RA, and I'd been a really active person. But two years ago I gave up my business, my health deteriorated, and I got an A-Ha moment in this book on page 51. I didn't realize that I had unconsciously clinged to my illness, and I'm taking this out of the book cuz I put it to myself, because it actually had become the most important part of who I perceived myself to be. How can I undo this identity? And how can I stay focused when I'm in excruciating pain from the illness to have the peace constantly, and not just fleeting moments?

Oprah: That's real.
Tolle: Yes
Oprah: That's a- That's real.

Tolle: Now the most important thing has already happened, which is you have become aware that up to now you had been identified with the idea that "I am sufferer of such and such an illness." So the illness had become thought forms in your head, and you had identified with these thought forms, and took them to be who you are. And now the most important thing - your question is still valid - but realize that the most important thing has already happened, which is the awareness has arisen so there's space now between yourself and your thought processes and the image of yourself as a sick person.

Now another thing of course in addition you can do is for example no longer talk about your illness to other people except when you visit a doctor. Then otherwise, the more you talk about it to your friends, acquaintances, family members, the more you keep that process going.

Oprah: ...empower it. She empowers the disease.

Tolle: Yes, that's right. So, if you just take a decision now that from now on I'm not going to talk about it, and if people ask me about my illness, which they're going to do because they're perhaps used to you talking about it...you say, "well I'm doing all I can to find healing in this, and I'm making good progress." Go as far as that, and don't encourage people to ask you questions, and no more mentioning my illness. So you begin on the external level not to talk about it anymore except of course when you need to talk to doctors. And that will have also certain influences on your thought processes. And then you can gradually also refrain from thinking of yourself as a sick person, and perhaps give less thought to your illness, and focus your attention more on well being.

Now you may ask, "well, but if I don't feel good, how can I give attention to well being?" You can still do that. One way is to see well being around you in nature because nature is just an embodiment of well being - a flower, a tree... And also there's well being even if certain parts of your body feel unwell or painful. And again we're coming back to the sensing the inner body, there are always parts of your body where you can still find well being; in your hands, your arms, wherever. Take some attention into the body and see where can I most strongly feel - get a sense of well being in the body, and then take your attention there. So you choose to direct attention to well being rather than dwelling on the idea of illness.

Oprah: That does not mean the pain's gonna go away cuz she said she has physical pain.

Tolle: The pain may still be there - that's fine. But as far as the pain is concerned...pain unfortunately requires surrender. You need to see that the pain is there so that you do not generate an additional level of psychological pain, which complains about being in physical pain. Because if the mind starts to complain about being in physical pain - you have two levels of pain: you have psychological pain and physical pain.

Oprah: Got it.

Tolle: Leave physical pain...with physical pain you know right now this is how it is. It's there.

Oprah: Don't resist it?

Tolle: Don't resist it. Do what you can as far as treatment goes, of course. But don't resist it. Don't create psychological pain on top of the physical pain.

Oprah: Are you following that, Victoria?

Victoria: Got it, yeah, excellent.

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

2008-02-22T13:33:00.000-08:00

I love Tolle's description of consumerism in Chapter Two...

The people in the advertising industry know very well that in order to sell things that people don't really need, they must convince them that those things will add something to how they see themselves or are seen by others; in other words, add something to their sense of self. They do this, for example, by telling you that you will stand out from the crowd by using this product and so by implication be more fully yourself. Or they may create an association in your mind between the product and a famous person, or a youthful, attractive, or happy-looking person. Even pictures of old or deceased celebrities in their prime work well for that purpose. The unspoken assumption is that by buying this product, through some magical act of appropriation, you become like them, or rather the surface image of them. And so in many cases you are not buying a product but an "identity enhancer." Designer labels are primarily collective identities that you buy into. They are expensive and therefore "exclusive." If everybody could buy them, they would lose their psychological value and all you would be left with would be their material value, which likely amounts to a fraction of what you paid.

And why can't a pair of expensive shoes bring happiness?

Paradoxically, what keeps the so-called consumer society going is the fact that trying to find yourself through things doesn't work: The ego satisfaction is short-lived and so you keep looking for more, keep buying, keep consuming.

...we cannot really honor things if we use them as a means to self-enhancement, that is to say, if we try to find ourselves through them. This is exactly what the ego does. Ego-identification with things creates attachment to things, obsession with things, which in turn creates our consumer society and economic structures where the only measure of progress is always more. The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth, is a dysfunction and a disease.

So what does Tolle suggest we do?

As a spiritual practice, I suggest that you investigate your relationship with the world of things through self-observation, and in particular, things that are designated with the word "my." You need to be alert and honest to find out, for example, whether your sense of self-worth is bound up with things you possess. Do certain things induce a subtle feeling of importance or superiority? Does the lack of them make you feel inferior to others who have more than you? Do you casually mention things you own or show them off to increase your sense of worth in someone else's eyes and through them in your own? Do you feel resentful or angry and somehow diminished in your sense of self when someone else has more than you or when you lose a prized possession?

In my life, lack of possessions has definitely caused a sense of inferiority. And hearing others speak of their possessions would easily cause me to feel less than. But now I'm becoming aware of my emotional responses - that little (negative) voice in my mind, which is actually the ego. Tolle says...

The ego tends to equate having with Being: I have, therefore I am. And the more I have, the more I am. The ego lives through comparison. How you are seen by others turns into how you see yourself. If everyone lived in a mansion or everyone was wealthy, your mansion or your wealth would no longer serve to enhance your sense of self. You could then move to a simple cabin, give up your wealth, and regain an identity by seeing yourself and being seen as more spiritual than others. How you are seen by others becomes the mirror that tells you what you are like and who you are. The ego's sense of self-worth is in most cases bound up with the worth you have in the eyes of others. You need others to give you a sense of self, and if you live in a culture that to a large extent equates self-worth with how much and what you have, if you cannot look though this collective delusion, you will be condemned to chasing after things for the rest of your life in the vain hope of finding your worth and completion of your sense of self there.

Could wanting more, being dissatisfied with what you have or what you lack, actually make you sick?

In some cases, the psychological need for more or the feeling of not enough that is so characteristic of the ego becomes transferred to the physical level and so turns into insatiable hunger. The sufferers of bulimia will often make themselves vomit so they can continue eating. Their mind is hungry, not their body. This eating disorder would become healed if the sufferers, instead of being identified with their mind, could get in touch with their body and so feel the true needs of the body rather than the pseudo-needs of the egoic mind.

Besides material things and the desire for them, many people - myself included - feel less than because their body isn't as healthy or as beautiful as someone else.

For many people, their sense of self-worth is intimately bound up with their physical strength, good looks, fitness, and external appearance. Many feel a diminished sense of self-worth because they perceive their body as ugly or imperfect.

In some cases, the mental image or concept of "my body" is a complete distortion of reality. A young woman may think of herself as overweight and therefore starve herself when in fact she is quite thin. She cannot see her body anymore. All she "sees" is the mental concept of her body, which says "I am fat" or "I will become fat." At the root of this condition lies identification with the mind. As people have become more and more mind-identified, which is the intensification of the egoic dysfunction, there has also been a dramatic increase in the incidence of anorexia in recent decades. If the sufferer could look at her body without the interfering judgments of her mind or even recognize those judgments for what they are instead of believing them - or better still, if she could feel her body from within - this would initiate her healing.

Those who are identified with their good looks, physical strength, or abilities experience suffering when those attributes begin to fade and disappeaer, as of course they will. Their very identity that was based on them is then threatened with collapse. In either ase, ugly or beautiful, people derive a significant part of their identity, be it negative or positive, from their body.

Now here's where it hit home for me...

It is not just people with good or near-perfect bodies who are likely to equate it with who they are. You can just as easily identify with a "problematic" body and make the body's imperfection, illness, or disability into your identity. You may then think and speak of yourself as a "sufferer" of this or that chronic illness or disability. You receive a great deal of attention from doctors and others who constantly confirm to you your conceptual identity as a sufferer or a patient. You then unconsciously cling to the illness because it has become the most important part of who you perceive yourself to be. It has become another thought form with which the ego can identify. Once the ego has found an identity, it does not want to let go. Amazingly but not infrequently, the ego in search of a stronger identity can and does create illness in order to strengthen itself through them.

All I can say is holy shit and hallelujah!

Is instinct guiding me...or fear?

2008-02-01T13:30:00.001-08:00

The question says it all...

Do you know the answer in your own life?

Migraine Study update

2008-01-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

Today a representative from the MIST II study got back to me, and ran me through more questions. Unfortunately, I didn't pass the criteria because I have chronic daily headaches, and because I don't have aura.

I'm still curious to find out about PFOs so I'll keep plugging along (pun intended).

Migraine

Migraine Study

2007-12-21T10:58:00.000-08:00

A day or so ago I registered for the MIST II Clinical Trial, answered a few questions to see if I qualify, and actually got a telephone call today. The gal calling from PA ran me through some more questions and made sure I was close enough to La Jolla (damn, the luck!) to begin the process. The next step is hearing from the doctor's office.

I was born with a heart murmur, but for some time now doctors haven't been able to detect it. A PFO is different than a murmur, but when I heard about it a year or so ago I wondered, "what if I have a hole in my heart?" It would probably explain why performing any type of activity that gets my heart pumping harder brings on awful, pounding exertion headaches. So wouldn't it be amazing to get that baby sealed off - if I have one. Of course, I could be in the placebo group which would royally suck - going through all the procedures and headache diaries for nothing! But let's see what happens, and if I even qualify.

Migraine

Remembering the good in people

2007-12-17T22:21:00.000-08:00

The hubby was driving us home from the bank today, and while we listened to Nat King Cole's "O Holy Night" I flashed to my stepfather and I singing in the church choir. I've talked negatively about my step-dad for as long as I can remember but while the song played I could hear his deep, rich voice and it brought a smile to my face (lots of tears too). Then I remembered all the times he had helped me with my essays - not write them for me like my mom used to do, but actually critique and send me back to my room until it was done correctly.

As much as my stepfather struggled with alcoholism and self-hatred I know he genuinely loved me and my mother. And I know I didn't make it easy for him at times.

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-09T12:37:00.001-08:00

Newb tested - Server approved!

2007-11-30T04:09:00.000-08:00

Back when I didn't have a hobby, except visiting new doctors and attempting new pain treatments, the only things in life that I excelled at was work. Whether it be folding clothes at a department store, cleaning out mouse cages or harvesting cell lines for scientists, I made it a top priority to be the best at what I did (and received plenty of praise for it).

Jump to present time and you can find me playing Everquest II with the hubby - something I thought would never happen. And it turns out I'm pretty damn good at it. So much so that I was voted the best Templar on Crushbone.

Inspiration?

2007-10-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

I was calling it an early night when the hubby closed the bedroom door to talk. He told me he feared I was too consumed with my headaches and was in need of some inspiration.

He wanted to see a movie that would start at 11pm, and I declined, stating that if I wanted to assure a fun Saturday night I should diminish any possible triggers the night before (messing with sleep schedule, someone possibly wearing strong perfume/cologne in the movie theatre, flashing lights from the big screen, etc.). We would be visiting some friends the next day - driving two hours to Riverside to celebrate our friend's new job. If I had to take medicine Friday night, I would be setting myself up for rebound issues on Saturday.

All this internal thinking that seems commonplace to me caused the hubby to just stand there and blink. That's when he shut the door and lovingly gave me an assignment. He asked me to search the Internet for inspirational migraineurs - people suffering with migraines who don't let it consume them. He threw out the only person he knows, football great Terrell Davis, who had a migraine attack during Super Bowl XXXII.

As I'm sitting here with my assignment I'm feeling more down than before. I'm realizing I have to find a way to separate the Jasmine who is suffering during an attack from the Jasmine who is worried about the next attack (how to prevent it, how to prepare for it, how to treat it). I'm really not sure when the two became one. I still stand behind the notion that if I only experienced a few migraines attacks a month, I could easily dissect the two (I would have my life, and it would be occasionally interrupted by pain). BUT ever since the migraines transformed to a daily headache I've allowed the two to fuse together.

So, now what?

Migraine

Keep on movin, don't stop

2007-09-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up with an icepick in my right eye, and the sensation of hands trying to claw their way out of the back of my head. How was your morning? I'm sure you woke up, took a nice stretch, and hopped out of bed, mentally preparing your day. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

It's been over two months and sadly I've seen no improvements with Cymbalta. It's put me in a bitchy mood too, if you couldn't tell. My doctor said studies don't show increased results passed 60mg so I've been tapering off the medication. The good news is I can go back to trying to safely /makebabies.

Migraine

Cymbalta Diary

2007-07-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

Cymbalta Diary: Day 1

I started Cymbalta today - just 30mg to see how I tolerate it in the next couple weeks. I suffer from chronic headaches and hormonal migraines, but I have many other triggers that can bring on a migraine attack.

I've become more and more alienated. Every year it gets harder to see my friends living a life I wish I were living. Hearing about their wine-tasting trips, enjoying extracurricular activities under the sun, etc. It all adds to my sadness and frustration over this disease.

Within one hour from taking one 30mg capsule my head feels strange - the same way it reacts to Axert. It's like something's going on up there but I have no way of explaining it. Maybe someone out there knows exactly what I mean and can help me put it into words. My head feels full, and I can sense activity (I guess the medicine doing its thing) throughout my brain. I really had no idea I would already feel this way so soon. Even though I'm in more pain than before I took it, I'll take all the activity as a good sign.

I've tried many preventatives in the past like Neurontin, Depakote, Topamax, and Kepra. And antidepressants like Elavil and I can't remember the others at the moment. Some abortives were Imitrex, Relpax, Maxalt and my favorite is Axert.

All the feelings of guilt, frustration, and anger have caused me to step back from life. I let my mission to become pain-free rule my days. I cancelled more and more dates with friends. I guess I'm just not yet at a place where I can see their achievements without feeling less than. So, maybe, just maybe, Cymbalta will help me dig out of this funk.

Day 3

I didn't have much of a chance to post last night, but once again, an hour or so after taking 30mg dose of Cymbalta, my head felt that strange sensation. But this time it wasn't as strong as Day 1.

Towards evening I started to develop a migraine, which can be typical for this time of the month anyway. I didn't take anything for it in case I had to take one today. (If you're like me you get Rebound from taking too many triptans so you have to pick and choose when to take them. For example, if it's a Monday and you have a migraine, but you have a doctor's appt or a social function on Tuesday, it would make sense to hold off on taking the triptan in case you need it to get through the next day.)

This morning I woke up with an icepick sensation in my left eye - obviously a migraine. But if feels like it's on its way out so I just ate a little something and took an Excedrin to see if that helps.

Maybe today I'll take my next dose toward evening instead of afternoon. This way I can sleep through that sensation. I just keep telling myself to plug along because it should subside in a couple weeks.

Day 4

I'm happy to report that last night (about 8pm) I took my 3rd 30mg dose of Cymbalta and didn't experience any strange sensations in my head.

Today I went to my chiropractor and man do I hate laying face down on those beds (with my face squished in that opening). It's been three hours since my adjustments and my face still hurts. I remember having issues at my acupuncturists, and they had different tables. It seems no matter how ergonomic they make those things, any pressure I put on my face I wind up hurting afterward.

Day 5

I seem to be tolerating 30mg just fine - no big GI issues and the flushing sensation in my head is gone. It's so nice to finally be on something that isn't making me feel worse. (Topamax was by far the worst experience I've ever had with side effect.)

Because I'm not feeling worse, I'm tempted to double the dose - starting Day 7. I'll call my doctor and see what she suggests. She might say to wait out the two weeks first. I'm just so excited I'm being impatient.

I long for the day when I can say I feel better...some percentage - ANY percentage - of relief.

I forgot to mention I also take the following daily: multi-vitamin, B6, flaxseed oil capsules, Co-Q10, glucosamine, and acidophilus.

Day 8

I was a little dizzy yesterday so I laid down for a bit. I usually hate napping in the afternoon because I wind up with worse head pain, and I have trouble falling asleep in the evening. But I'm happy to report I didn't feel worse, the dizziness lessened, and falling asleep that evening came pretty easy.

We have out of town guests arriving this evening, so I'm a little bit anxious. I wish I could just be excited and leave it at that, but as a migraineur I have things on my mind someone who doesn't suffer wouldn't even consider. For example, will today's overcast mean a migraine is in the works? When I get my hair done at the salon this afternoon will the chemicals set me off? And if so, and I take an Axert, will the rebound headache I get tomorrow ruin those plans?

And what will I talk about? The only thing going on in my life at the moment is trying a new preventative and seeing the chiropractor - exciting stuff. I have to arm myself with questions to keep them chatting because I always feel I have nothing good/fun to share. That's why I typically let my husband talk. He always has funny work stories. That's probably wrong of me since my story is just as important as theirs. I just tend to feel less than because they're living lifestyles I sometimes wish I were. And then the guilt sets in because I love my husband and our life together, so why should I dare feel less than. Women may not be lining up at the door for my migraines, but I know they'd probably take them if it meant being married to a funny, handsome, trustworthy, loving, and supportive husband.

Day 11

I had such an awful hormonal migraine last night, and was able to sleep most of it off this morning. There's still some pain lingering but I can tell it's on the way out. The weekend I was worried about turned out to be loads of fun, which is why I didn't mind when the migraine hit. Sometimes you get lucky like that.

This morning the right side of my head was killing me. My right eye was tearing up and my right nostril was very runny - it still is. I wonder if that's more of a cluster headache, but I've never been diagnosed with them. Maybe it was just coincidence because some mornings I wake up with allergies (sneezing, runny nose, and watery/itchy eyes).

I had to reschedule my appointment with the chiropractor. Just the thought of putting my face in that table (ouch!).

It's too soon to tell if the Cymbalta is helping with the chronic pain or depression associated with it, so I'll keep plugging along and journal my progress.

Day 17

I started taking the 60mg dose a couple days ago and happy to report no side effects of any kind. I was expecting that strange sensation in my head or GI issues, but so far all is well.

Went to a baby shower yesterday, and my head behaved. I did take an Excedrin on the way there because if you're like me just smiling a lot can cause head pain. And I've mastered the art of looking pain free - years of practice.

Day 21

Last night I started getting a bad migraine. But this one was concentrated on the top of my head. It lasted all night and I woke up feeling only a tiny bit better. I had some GI issues, but nothing terrible. Let's just say it's a good thing I'm home and not working. I remember all too well trying to work full time for three months while taking Topamax.

Now I just have a heavy sensation in the front of my head - like it can fall forward any minute from the weight.

My husband has been waking up early to go to the gym before work - something I know he would like me to do. He's understanding that I feel like crud, but it still hurts that I can't keep up with his new routine.

I wish I could actually "work out" when I work out. I always have to take things slow and close my eyes when I see people around me working out 10 times as hard as me. And because migraine is an invisible illness they're probably looking at me thinking, "you're never gonna get in shape at that pace." And I'm always the only one in the gym wearing sunglasses because of the stupid fluorescent lights.

Day 33

So far no improvements with pain levels, but there's a possibility my overall mood has been better. It could be due to the fact that I'm finally trying a medicine that doesn't make me feel like crap. It could be because PMS hasn't hit yet - although I am breaking out lol (this heat has been something else). I guess there's a chance the drug is actually working - I just don't see improvements in pain levels. But it's only been a couple weeks on the 60mg so more time will have to pass before I have the answers. Such is life!

Day 78

This entry has been long overdue but I have reasons for not posting sooner. I was too bummed to officially admit that I saw no improvements in pain levels with Cymbalta. And I've had multiple migraines since tapering off of Cymbalta, so staring at this white-background to type is not appealing.

For whatever reason I've become uberbitch the past couple weeks - snapping at my husband and my dogs. I've been very easily irritated and it's pissing me off. I am getting over a cold, the weather's been rainy, I'm ovulating, and I'm once again trying to eat less sugar/caffeine/junk food. Triggers, triggers, triggers, oh my.

I hope the mood and migraines go back to normal once the Cymbalta is fully out of my system. I really don't see the reason to be on medication forever when I saw no improvement. My husband said he liked my mood better when I was on it, but honestly I feel I was just so happy I finally found a medication that didn't make me feel worse...plus the fact I was so hopeful that it put me in an overall better mood. It seems once I heard my doctor say studies show there are no benefit to increasing the dose passed 60mg I just felt deflated/sad/angry.

The good news is now I can go back to trying to have a baby. I do worry about it mornings like today though - where I woke up with an icepick migraine so bad I could feel the exit wound. It felt like a hand was scraping to get out the back of my head. My husband woke up feeling crappy as well, so I'll chalk this one up to funky weather. The part that worries me is can I safely grab for an Axert if I'm trying to get pregnant?

My Neuro says there are no studies proving it's safe to be on abortives during pregnancy. But he added that narcotics are okay? So my biggest fear is how I'm going to make it through the first month of pregnancy sans medication. I say the first month because I hear the rest should be migraine-free.

Migraine

Update

2007-05-26T13:52:00.001-07:00

If ever there's been a recurring theme on this blog it would have to be hormones, and how they affect my mood. I haven't been answering the phone or hanging out with friends; partly because of my headaches, partly because I don't want to be seen. People don't realize what a chore smiling and looking normal can be, when inside you're in pain and wish you were anywhere but that very spot.

Regarding my weight (another indicator of my mood): I probably gained back the fat I lost and more. I weighed in at 194-lbs yesterday, but I'm not upset with myself. The hubby and I are working as a team at the gym and I haven't felt this sore in a long time =)

I gave up on the myofunctional therapy. The exercises only make me feel worse. I have been seeing a new chiropractor and I'm hopeful he will at least help reverse my whip-lashed neck. The trigger point therapy he's been doing has been painful, but it's definitely getting rid of the knots in my upper back.

The hubby and I are doing well. Not pregnant yet, but we're trying not to focus on it as much as before. His doctor wanted him to go back on Prednisone, run more tests that meant more semen analysis, and we said fuck it. It'll happen when it happens.

Migraine

300

2007-03-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

300 Teaser Video

Tonsillectomy

2007-03-14T13:41:00.000-07:00

My ENT wasn't kidding when he said tonsillectomies are harder on adults than kids. Tomorrow will be two weeks of a sore throat. I have a follow-up Friday, so hopefully everything healed nicely. I have no regrets though because the recurring sinus issues will now (hopefully) be a thing of the past, as well as those nasty white balls of decayed food that would appear in the pockets of my tonsils.

After weeks of asking the hubby to organize the garage I got my butt in there and moved a few things around that I shouldn't have. His quad won't start and the tires are flat because he doesn't keep it on crates (he did finally bring some crates home yesterday - too bad it was after I pulled my back out trying to slide the thing out of the way haha).

So yeah those are my why-I-haven't-been-to-the-gym excuses. Spank me!

Still haven't figured out how to get my man to do what needs to be done in a timely matter. Hearing "I'll take care of it," just doesn't cut it to a woman. We don't live in the now. We women live in the if-this-doesn't-get-done-now-there-will-be-more-to-do-later. He's the grasshopper to my worker ant, I guess.

We discussed my inability to sit still today, and how it's difficult for me not to move forward. I explained that chronic pain keeps my mind wanting to move forward. If I sit still I will feel the pain. If I do things (ie plan surgeries that may offer relief, plan an event or research new treatments) I'm doing some thing. But he does have a point, so...

If I have to learn to sit still more, he should learn to do what needs to be done in the here and now, and not put things off so much.

It's a start

2007-02-04T11:28:00.000-08:00

After slowly getting back into a workout routine (two months with a personal trainer, recording my meals, and increasing cardio, attending yoga, pilates) I've lost 3% body fat.

On the way home from pilates I considered going to McDonalds for a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit (fuck they're good) and a cup of their coffee I'm now hearing so much about. But then I thought of the sugar I'd put in that coffee and the added head pain that would cause me, and that was enough to cause me to drive straight home.

What made me want McDonalds? Seeing my full body in those large mirrors. Comparing my huge frame with smaller, younger gals around me. The reality is there were women in there my size and larger, but that's not where my eyes tend to focus.

The more I keep up this routine (persistence!), and slowly build up my workouts, the more my confidence will return. I say return because I used to have it, so it will come. Now I just need Hiro to bend space and time ><

jasmine's cove

Have illnesses become the new must have?

Pulsed Electromagnetic Field Therapy for Chronic Pain

My visit with the Vision Specialists of Michigan

Bloomfield Hills, Michigan

Are we there yet?

Traveling far from home for possible pain relief

Curious about medication side effects?

Vertical Heterophoria

Do You Suffer From Dizziness, Headaches and/or Anxiety?Have you seen numerous Doctors, had multiple tests, tried many different medications, without much relief? This may be the solution you have been seeking

Most patients experience a marked reduction in their symptoms with precise prismatic correction

One thing I haven't attempted to minimize migraines...juice fasting

Homo Toxicus

Health Update and Goals

Cancer is $erious Business

Harley the Healer

Chased: A Poem Inspired By American Banksters and International Women's Day 2011

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation

Making friends with my discomfort

Love Beats Hate

jasmine's cove is participating in "love beats hate" blogging event Nov 17th

Dollars for Docs: What Drug Companies are Paying Your Doctor

Ayurveda, The Perfect 10 Diet, and Weight Loss

Versatile Blogger Award

Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Migraine

Me, Migraine, and Medical Marijuana

I'll just leave it up to me

Your Music Beats Through Me, Even in Silence

I sense heartache

My Wellness Team

Making food my medicine: Quotes to motivate

Selling Jem dolls and accessories to support the Breast Cancer Fund

Taking a positive step back

Workplace Perfume Precedent

Peaceful afternoon at Lake Cuyamaca

Helping husbands understand our pain...or maybe not

What U.S. Senator Diane Feinstein thinks about Bisphenol A (BPA)

What's Jasmine been up to?

New Healthy Year: January 2010 Headache Blog Carnival

Migraineurs: Have Happier Holidays with Routines

The Canary Report releases its 2010 wall calendar

Petition: U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders (Vermont)

Haiku

Balance Awareness Week: September 20-26, 2009

Invisible Illness Awareness Week Starts Today!

30 Things About Jasmine's Invisible Illness(es) You May Not Know

Tonight's sunset, Imperial Beach style

Diagnostic Testing Part II

Grand Rounds Blog Carnival - Vol 5.47 Invisible Illness

Diagnostic Testing

The Vestibular System Part II

The Vestibular System

Understanding Invisible Illnesses

A question from Carolyn

Sleep Study Part II

Sleep Study Part I

Friendship and Pain

Rodale recipe finder

March 2009 Headache and Migraine Disease Blog Carnival

jasmine's cove

New Neuro

Update

Recipes just for me

Tonight dear! I have a headache.

Coping with Suffering: January 2009 Headache Blog Carnival

My apologies

Migraine Study

The Pursuit of Painlessness

Excellent ER visit!

Give

Maximizing Your Enjoyment of the Holiday Season

Judge says perfume lawsuit can proceed

A Detroit city planner says co-worker's scent interferes with job performance, breathing.

Paul Egan / The Detroit News

Thank You Note

Haiku

Network

This weekend

Searching

Sign of the times

Do You Suffer From Dizziness, Headaches and/or Anxiety?

Have you seen numerous Doctors, had multiple tests, tried many different medications, without much relief?

This may be the solution you have been seeking