A question from Carolyn

Dear Jasmine,

I've been following your blog for a while and seeing your posts on twitter and notice that you manage your constant head pain/migraine and the other health problems that go with it, so positively.

I've not always coped with my illness with grace and composure, so I am wondering how do you cope so well? Did it come naturally? Did you have a book that influenced you alot?

Thank you Carolyn for the compliment regarding my blog. It has been such an outlet for me, and it means even more to know others - who live with pain of any kind - also find it beneficial.

I used to be negative, mostly complaining about my condition and fell into the role of playing patient, and sadly it was all I talked about. I was losing myself in my illnesses and in the process my husband was losing his wife. My friends were losing me as well because I had zero zest for life. Once I started seeing how blessed I am compared to others, I started to view my pain in a positive light.

My positive outlook was definitely a process for me - one I had to really be ready to take on. I had read countless self help books in the past but nothing ever stuck for me. I've been through therapy, biofeedback, acupuncture, etc., with no changes in my symptoms. Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" really helped me identify the roles of patient and victim that I had taken on, and how I was letting my ego run my life. I wrote a little about his book as well as his interview on Oprah.com in the following posts: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and Role-playing.

An exercise I try to remember is focusing on the parts of me that are well, or not in pain. For example when I have a killer migraine I try to see past the pain and focus on a part of my body that is healthy.

I find exercise has improved my ability to fall asleep, as well as up my mood. The unfortunate thing is exercise - depending on how much exertion - can also trigger a migraine so I have to be cautious how much I do.

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Others have contacted me, curious what I mean when I say,

You could say I suffer from Migraines. But I prefer to say I'm living my life well, appreciating all the gifts Migraines have brought me.

I know it can be difficult to see pain as a gift; I once felt that way myself. But in time I came to terms with my pain and realized I can learn a lot more from it when I'm not resisting. Some examples of the gifts Migraines have brought me (in no particular order):

1) My blog: as I mentioned to Carolyn writing has been a huge outlet for me. I lost much of my creativity when I let pain take over my life.

2) Finding out who my true friends are.

3) Learning to live within our means: I truly believe if I hadn't left my job my husband and I would have never learned we could live comfortably off of one paycheck.

4) Not being afraid to say "No."  No more people-pleasing!

5) Learning to reach out to others for support and validation.

6) Making new friends online.

7) Learning to never trust people who claim they have a "cure" for any thing.

8) Cherishing the good days, learning to honor my limits and accept the bad days.

9) Becoming more aware of how sick our health care system is, and contacting politicians to share my views.