1.31.2006

Just some memories

When I was a little girl I loved the evening and anything to do with it.

Late night drives to anywhere (dreaded pulling up to our house or apartment because it meant the party was over).

Poking around in the refrigerator for a late night snack.

Watching television shows like The Honeymooners and David Letterman in the kitchen. Then once my grandparents went to sleep, sneaking to the family room to watch rated R movies on HBO.

Sleepovers with my friend Tanya were the best. We were obsessed with the 80s cartoon Jem, so we had every doll, recorded almost every show, wrote out the lyrics to every song, etc. We'd stay up for hours, giggling madly while burying our heads in pillows so her parents wouldn't hear.

I think my all time favorite activity would be sitting out back in the summertime, listening to music with my grandfather, talking and watching fireflies.

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Because my mom and dad divorced when I was about two, my grandfather was my father figure. My mom did eventually remarry, but I still preferred calling my grandfather Dad. He used to always tell me that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. In so many ways he was the best thing too. I know he's the reason I never really thought about my bio-dad much. When my grandfather passed away is when I became more curious. I tried contacting my father twice, but never heard back (mind you my letters were never returned to sender, so someone got them).

1.19.2006

Splints and cast are off

Went for a follow-up this afternoon and holy hell!!! My doctor tells me lay back, so I take my husband's hand in mine - knowing the splints she's about to remove are gonna cause me some discomfort. I joke with her about being gentle and she says, 'of course.' Well that was a lie!!! She got a firm grip on the splint in my left nostril and gave such a tug OMFG! I screamed out 'shit!' and squeezed my hubby's hand knowing she was gonna have to do the very same thing to the other side =/

The cast came off without any pain. At least she took her time with that. After the shock wore off I could feel the difference in my breathing. I'm so happy I did this!

Our doggies



Here are a couple pics of our babies, Domino at top and Rusty's below =)

Domino is 11 and Rusty is 12, and we've had them since they were little pups. This is basically their house and we pay the bills. We have an amazing bed that just isn't comfortable enough to R&D, so they bunch up the down comforter to make it just right. Every morning we're greeted with wagging tails and tons of barking. That's Rusty's way of begging for breakfast, which consists of a large Milkbone dog biscuit.

They both love when the sun comes through the bedroom window. Because they're not as dog social as we like we rarely take them to the beach. But when we do go, they have such a blast once the leashes come off.

We love you guys =)

1.15.2006

I feel pretty, oh so pretty...

If you could see me now. I have a cast on my nose as well as splints going up through my nostrils. I had surgery (Septoplasty for my deviated nasal septum, bilateral turbinectomies to reduce the swelling I've had in my turbinates forever, and because I'd be under anyway I opted for a little Rhinoplasty to shave down the bump no my nose) on January 9th and even though my doctor and I discussed what to possibly expect afterward, I really had no idea what I was in for. I mean hearing her say we'll probably have to break your nose: she might as well said I enjoy coffee with cream. It just didn't register.

Even though I warned the anesthesiologist of my sensitivities to anesthesia, I don't think he held back. I woke up at least three hours after the surgery (I don't know, maybe that's normal), vomiting blood every time I moved or spoke. They didn't want to release me because my blood pressure was way low - another thing I warned the anesthesiologist about. I wanted to go home so bad, but it would be about another hour or so before my hubby was called to pick me up. Just knowing he was on the other line with the nurse brought comfort to me. And when I saw his beautiful face I let out a calm breath and waved that I was okay.

Because of all the oozing of blood from my nose I had to wear folded up gauze, which was taped to my face. The hubby was so amazing, changing out soiled bandages whenever needed. He kept the dogs away from me, and even slept on the couch with them. My mouth was so incredibly dry so he brought me ice cubes to just wet the area. Any attempt at using water, even the tiniest sips had me heaving shortly after.

I think about 15 hours later I broke down and used a suppository for nausea (good times). I wanted to take some pain meds and start on my antibiotics but I didn't want to vomit them up again. Later on my hubby made some soup and I was able to keep everything down. I couldn't see outside of my right eye becuase the swelling was so bad, and I had a lot of natural tears going.

Day 3 was really awful. In the daytime I didn't use the gauze under my nose (it was sooo annoying). Whatever blood came I could just gently absorb away with a tissue. The bad part was the dizziness from the vicodin and how swollen my face had gotten. I already had two big black eyes but my cheeks had gotten painfully puffier. There was a lot of crusted up blood around and inside my nose, and it hurt like hell trying to dissolve it. Using hydrogen peroxide helped and then I would follow it up with a gob of vaseline.

Well six days later and the nose is still oozing some blood, serum and snot. Even after the splints are removed next week I won't be able to blow my nose for awhile. That'll be interesting. Especially with classes starting early February. Something tells me I might have to drop voice class, but we'll see. The swelling has gone down and the black and blues are minimizing.

I'm nervous and excited to see the outcome, once the cast, splints and swelling are all gone. And by that I'm not referring to aesthetics. The reason for all of this was to see if correcting the deviated septum and reducing the swelling of the turbinates would decrease the chronic head and sinus pressure I experience, as well as allergy symptoms. If doing so relieves the pain then all of the above was well worth it. If it doesn't, then it just means I'm one step closer to finding what will.

1.03.2006

Some of my favorite websites

One of my favorite blogs is by a beautiful San Diegan named Barbarella. She has a weekly column in The San Diego Reader called "Diary of a Diva," but her personal website can be found at http://www.divabarbarella.com

If you suffer from an invisible disease, or know someone who does, The Spoon Theory really helps show what a sufferer goes through on a daily basis. Please take a moment to read it at http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/2004/11/the_spoon_theory.php

After reading "Crimes Against Nature," by Robert F Kennedy Jr I really wanted to help change laws that effect our environment. One of the organizations RFK Jr highly recommended was The Natural Resources Defense Council. Find out more at http://www.nrdc.org

Craigslist is a free online classifieds where you can find just about anything. Go here and choose your city http://sandiego.craigslist.org/about/cities.html

If you don't have an anti-virus program on your computer you can use Trend Micro to run a free online scan http://housecall60.trendmicro.com/en/start_corp.asp

Myvesta.org is a great organizations filled with amazing people. They not only helped me get out of debt years ago, they also taught me a lot about my rights with creditors, how to raise my FICO score and fix errors made by credit bureaus, etc. http://myvesta.org

1.02.2006

Thank you Mr or Mrs Anonymous

anonymous said...
"I realize that you're receiving this anonymously, and I am sad that you feel so much pain. I have also felt similar pain; however, I have found that complaining about it and talking about the pain only makes it worse. Maybe you'd feel better by talking about what is good in your life, as opposed to complaining about your very illnesses...Just a suggestion."

Thank you Mr or Mrs Anonymous. With the start of a new year I will work more on what is good in my life and stop complaining about what isn't. I will no longer use this blog to get out all the frustration I feel on a daily basis when I'm smiling through pain at strangers and pretending it doesn't exist so no one will ask me if I'm ok - because then I'd have to tell them the truth and that would be complaining right?

From now on when I go to my Neurologist or any of my doctors I will tell them about all the good in my life. Then I'll call the disability company and tell them I feel great because my grass is green and my husband has never cheated on me. Because those are going to be what get me back in the workplace again. Those truths, those good things in my life, are going to pay the bills and save the day.

Now I can eat chocolate, cured meats, aged cheeses and red wine. Who care is they trigger migraine attacks. All I have to do is not complain about how awful I feel afterwards and all will be well. Then I can even run in a department store's perfume section and take full, deep breaths.

I don't know about you Mr or Mrs Anonymous but I actually feel better after visiting support groups like http://headaches.about.com because I know the people there are understanding when I have a shitty day. They allow and encourage venting because pent up emotions only exacerbate our pain. And by the way I've spent many years not complaining about my aches and pains and they wound up getting worse - go figure. And I do count my blessings. I know things could be worse. I have a great support team around me and for that I'm truly blessed.

As for your suggestion: talking [blogging] more about what's good in my life. I actually will work on that. But I know it's not going to make me hurt less. That notion is just silly.